Am into the Fabulous Forties now. And yes, like the cheesy line goes, am loving it
….I would dress like this everyday.
A bling bling roomy gold bag. The Fendi Matrioska Tote. Of which I have many lesser versions already.
Leopard print shoes. With kick ass heels. Christian Loubotin.
High waisted black skinny fits. J Brand Bardot.
And a simple black blouse. Cavalli.
I’d like to think this is a look I work well. What’s your look?
Met a lady yesterday. Who peppered her speech with cusses. And obscenities. And laughed when she realised each one hit me like a slap in the face. Am I old fashioned? The maximum I can stretch my cussing self is to a hushed F-word in a dire situation. And then too I look around, embarassed that someone might have heard me. Convent school education and a teacher mom took care of any foul tongue I might have had the freedom to develop.
It grates on my ears. Like a nail on a slate.
I dont think I’m going to have many conversations with her.
Read somewhere that mice put on very low calorie diets, read just enough to make them buzz around with requisite energy to last the day, tend to have a longer life. Something to do with them telomeres shortening or lengthening and such esoteric stuff that I will leave best to them scientist types to explain coherently, and just stick to the essence of it all, which translates into ‘restricted calorie diet’.
Now for a person to whom the word diet itself is accompanied by the skull and bones emblem and the words danger, inflammable, poisonous and all such associated imagery, this premise was not intriguing. At all. And as I rationalised, as much rationalisation as I can do, given that I rationalise eating one piece of cake with the very valid reason of wanting to eat it, did I really want an extended life with the wrinkles slapped on or a life that offered me an aches and pains free body, but one that happily had me consigned to the furnace by age 60. Which is a decent age to die according to me. When I was 19, 40 was the perfect age to die according to me, but now that am a couple of years away have extended my deadline.
Wouldnt want to be a living skeleton laid up on a bier with the family hanging around waiting to chuck me into the electric oven. And going off to celebrate the riddance, with a quiet wake where people would get drunk and tell nasty stories about how I attempted to poison them with my cooking. Or slow gas them with perfume fumes.
Back to restricted calories. There had to be something to this damn diet, given that they tell us that people who live long and stay healthier eat less, stay active more, and cut out the meat. Simple enough, eh? But not to me. The husband, on one of his rare religious trips, has decided to give up alcohol and non vegetarian food for the month of Shravan and tried haplessly to rope me in to keep in company. Actually, he started off under the assumption that I would follow him meekly like a cow in his religious whims and fancies, and was actually quite taken aback when I flatly refused. And when I told him abstinence to me would mean abstinence at every level and was he willing for me to take that vow for a month. Yep. I think not. So he went ahead with his shravan and I chewed my animal proteins in peace.
The alcohol I have given up a while ago, and strangely dont even feel the need to get back to downing them spirits again. But the month is almost up, and the man is looking slimmer and tauter and handsomer than he did before he started out, and I am doing a rethink on my obstinate refusal to join him in the detoxification of the body. But am tempted. Will think about it seriously after a day when I have grossly overeaten and am metaphorically kicking myself on the shin for my disgusting lack of self control on food intake issues. That will probably be the best time to resolve to go on an instant fruit, veggie and nuts diet and not feel all martyr-like about it.
Coming back to the calorie restricted diet, decided to try it out. With me calorie restriction would mean one paratha instead of two. Half a pastry instead of a whole. You know. I believe in gradually depriving the body of the treats it is used to.
Seriously though, the diet does make sense. Eat only as much as the body requires to live on. Dont overload your digestive system. Think of them miracle men who live for months on water and sunshine and know that you will survive, despite the smog in the air and the pollutants and ecoli in the water.
And more importantly, you can buy more clothes with the money you save from the restaurant bills you dont need to pay anymore. And what’s better, you might actually be able to fit into them too.
Need anymore compelling reasons to cut down that calorie intake right now?
Some links worth checking out:
I dont normally do these sporting type posts, the closest I’ve come to any action on field being vicariously through the long deceased father being cricketer and kabaddi player, and the husband being national level swimmer. My athletic abilities are the stuff of legend, with people placing bets that should I race with a snail, the snail would do two victory laps while I still huff and puff round the first lap.
Nonetheless, our boys and girls deserve this.
Vijender Kumar, all of 22, and the kind of face that Bollywood would do well to beat a path down to, and the son of a driver with Haryana Roadways. A boxing bronze.
Akhil Kumar, 27, son of a police constable, in the quarter finals at the Beijing Olympics for Boxing.
Avneet Sandhu, 27, in the shooting squad at the current Olympics. Daughter of a farmer.
Mangal Singh Champia, 24, the son of a farmer from Jharkand, reached the pre quarters in archery.
Sushil Kumar, 24, son of a driver in MTNL, Haryana. A bronze in wrestling at Beijing.
Yogeshwar Dutt, 25, the son of a farmer, reached the quarterfinals at Beijing.
If this is not inspirational, what is?
I salute them all, for their courage, their spirit and their determination to overcome the odds that life has placed in their path and perservere in their chosen field.
Edited: Corrected on Avneet Sandhu. Thanks all.
Not one single cell in the body is the same as it was at the time you were born. You are constantly in a state of renewal. When every cell in your body is younger than you are, how can the body wither and age?
Heart breaking moment this morning. Beautiful pair of Next denims. With coarse thread detailing on back pockets. And contrast seams. The sort that you need a stetson and a pair of boots with spurs to complete the look. Lying in the cupboard for a couple of years since no occasion ever felt perfect enough for them to be worn to. This morning by strange fluke or mischance they happened to land straight within eyeshot and I was in a brave benevolent mood. So I took them out.
The husband snorted. Meanly. I should have taken that as a warning. The sort that animals give before there’s going to be an earthquake. You know bark wildly and run scared, tail between their legs. But, me being me, have never learnt to read earthly signs of doom and proceeded to do my changing with the man in the room. As any woman knows. This in itself is an act of bravery. In the first flush of lust, this could take an additional fifteen minutes into getting ready time. When you’re eighteen years past the first flush of lust, you just avert your eyes and get hopping and wriggling into your clothes hoping the other isnt noticing your flesh jiggling.
The damn pant stopped at my knees. I say stopped. I gasped in surprise. It just stopped like a mule and refused to go up further. I looked at my thighs in surprise. Sure they looked ‘healthier’ to me than they’ve looked in a while, but surely I was not that healthy that a pair of denims bought a couple of years ago couldnt get past them knees?
I tried again. I did a little hop and wriggle and the kind that Sridevi patented in Nagina. By which time the husband was thrashing around on the floor in what could only be termed a laughing fit of sorts. Which I sternly and pointedly ignored. And then I gave up all pretence and struggle and sleekly slipped into old favourite D&Gs, them being eminently slip into able considering their lycra has truly and completely given way.
And picked up my ego from the floor whence I was writhing like a snake woman a couple of minutes ago and proceeded to bin it. If I may say so, I looked smashing in them D&Gs. Rubens would have made an oil painting of me.
So screams an article in the newspapers at me, with a picture of Madonna used as an illustrative point with her being the poster girl of this new movement. I almost did somersaults. By extension, I am still in my teens. Oh well, yes, that might be pushing a point, well late teens if you must be absolutely finicky about details. But well yes, teens is where I am at. Given the current outcrop of pimples and oily skin and dress and self image angst, I’d fit right in. Only not agonising over any boys, discounting of course, the fruit of my womb who causes enough agonising to last me a lifetime.
Yup, yup, all those who tell me fifty is just a number know that I am waiting with the seasoning to have you eat your words right up when you reach there. And I have just twelve years left. And nothing done yet with my life. Oh well yes, I made a child. My most momentuous achievement. But nothing for posterity and that is a damn sobering thought that makes me want to shut myself in a chamber and meditate manically till I come upon the purpose of my life, etc, etc.
Therefore, now, having realised that I have just 12 good years left, after which I go down the hill, what should I do to live it up and be a young whippersnapper, albeit with progressive lenses on them spectacles?
For one, have decided to chuck out all the old and unused and unwanted stuff in my wardrobe. I am not as ruthless as the husband who just throws out his clothes by the shovelful while the watchmen and drivers and housekeeping staff wait with open arms. Once a quarter, we have this ritual where the man runs out with many clothes and keeps them on the shoe cabinet and the want thems come up fighting each other with sticks and brooms to garner as much loot as they can to themselves. So if you happen to visit and see a rail thin housekeeping type with a Diesel original held up with a sturdy belt and a hope and pray know that largesse has just happened.
I emptied my cupboard. In mean that in the metaphorical sense. I took out all the clothes I dont ever use seeing as I am now twice the size they are, looked at them ruefully and put half back in again. The husband snorted derisively and spouted some gyaan straight off the self help book he was reading at that very moment about attachment to external self image and fear of confronting reality and such like. And only shut up when I threatened to chuck a stilleto at him. Yes, I churned out the shoe drawers too. And I am proud to say I gave away four pairs I never ever touch. None of which were big ticket numbers so I have no guilt. The horrible wooden and silver wedges that I havent worn since the day I bought them, but hang onto the hope that one day I will have the courage to justify the good money I spent on them, remain wrapped in bubble wrap. As pristine as they were three years ago when they were bought. And somehow I cant really see the maids sashaying around in Charles & Keith.
In keeping with my newer youthful demenour, I chucked out all the kurtis. Kurtis are for the shapeless. I have a shape. Even if its veering towards the round these days, its a shape, right? Chucked out three bags. One black shiny patent leather Esbeda, which had the studs fallen off in awful manner. One fake Versace, with a peeling handle. And one gold number which I had so tired of. I felt so virtuous you could have read a book in the light of my halo.
In our house of course, chuck out is a relative term. I take out whatever I am not using, have not used for the past decade, donot ever intend using, and hand them over to the mother in law who oohs and aahs, and bemoans the lack of thrift present in the current generation and carefull wraps the discarded stuff in plastic and old bedsheets and tucks them away into the loft. In case. I might ever need them again. Never mind if the white ants and insects get to them first.
Can anyone explain to me my newfound fetish for gold and leopard print? I seem to be picking up stuff in gold and leopard print like I just wandered over from the Playboy mansion. Did a headcount of all I possess over the weekened and found amongst other four gold bags, one copper bag, one leopard print bag, infinite gold shoes, and one leopard print number. And I just truly absolutely, unabashedly adore them. I go shopping with every good intention of buying a simple and sober black or grey number in the shoes and bags department but come home clicking my heels with delight bearing aloft gold and leopard print stuff. Any psychologists here who could give me an insight into this new and strange phenomenon? What does the love for these signify?
Rather unseemly, I would think given that I am hitting the furious forties in a couple of years. Or is this desire for bling, and brights, just a knee jerk reaction to suddenly realising that I am now in the league of oldies who become invisible to people. You know, you’re standing in a line and people cut right in. You’re at a table in a restaurant and you need to do dance on the damn thing to get a waiter’s attention. You’re at a supermarket and people reach over you to get at what they want, or dont move a quarter of a centimeter while you wait politely for them to move their butt.
Does Madonna have to dance on tables to get noticed? Nah!
Seriously though. I think becoming mousier has a lot to do with it. Mousier and more comfortable in one’s skin. So comfortable in fact that one disappears into the background and is sometimes surprised to look into a mirror and find one’s reflection there.
Going to put my eyes in and my highest heels on and cut a swathe through the crowd. And yes, that fire engine red lipstick while I am at it. And if anyone asks me if I’ve had my gender realignment surgery yet, I’m going to pretend I didnt hear it.
After all, doesnt your hearing start to go at thirty? I’m at thirty-teen now. Let me dress my age.
I cant help it, I am an addict.
Let me begin with a story. It was the very first Valentine’s Day I was celebrating with newbie boyfriend. Now husband. (What can I say, I have led a dull life). Girls around me giggled and gushed over their gifts, jewellery, clothes, gadgets. And the man gets me One Dairy Milk chocolate. I knew then that he was a keeper.
Fast forward many years to the present. I get the bags, shoes, clothes, jewellery and I ask the husband, morosely, “Why dont you get me chocolates anymore?”
The man was obviously startled. But not surprised. Chocolates have been the kind of unhealthy obsession that has me sneaking to the fridge at midnight under the pretence of wanting to check whether I’ve turned the knobs of the gas burner off properly, with the virtuous air only such a dreary housewifely task could bring about and then skulk in corners behind doors devouring my poor child’s stash of the dark stuff.
Now given that the child has been brainwashed by over zealous teachers about the negatives of chocolates and instructed not to partake any further of such ambrosia, the opportunities of such skulking furtively moments are fast on the downswing much to my terror, leaving me to plot and plan as to how I can keep up the quota of the dark sweet stuff that needs to be mandatorily stashed in the house,
Yes, yes, research proves very nasty things about people like me, and to believe them, I;d be better off sitting on street corners shooting actual junk up my veins given that chocolate does the very same thing in smaller doses. Sweet and high fat foods (ever wonder why you sneak in that burger or that pizza even though you’ve sworn on all things holy to refrain from ingestion, seeing the colossal damage inflicted on waistline, you got your answer now) trigger pleasure chemicals in the brain, called opoids. So chocolates, and shoes and handbags, are up there in the big league, of making you a right on junkie without the needle marks to show for it, only the tyres around the waist. Cocoa contains addictive molecules called phenylethylamines (PEA) which is a speed like drug. And the effect is definitely a minor high. Ever wonder why the best intentions of dieters come to naught during PMS and a good party pack of chocolate chip icecream. For me, melted in the microwave, Any other melted chocolate icecream maniacs here, say aye!
Them poor lab rats, force feed a diet of chocolate ended up eating six times their regular intake of fat if it was cloaked in sweet chocolate. When denied these food, the subjects experience withdrawal pangs similar to those seen in people withdrawing from morphine. Yes, long stints without shopping for new clothes and bags and shoes also have the same effect on me. But at least indulging in that addiction depletes the wallet, trims the legs from all that walking around, tones the tush, and stretches the body from the climbing all over the shelves. The arms and biceps also get worked out carrying all them bags. Chocolates just go straight to my hips and sit there, smirking, as I pat myself in, inch by inch into what were once loose denims.
A very serious scientist type and an authority on the subject thunders that addictive type personalities are commonly attracted by addictive foods like chocolates, high fatty foods, and hold your breath, carbohydrate rich foods. Ever need your bread fix every morning, with dollops of butter dipped in sugary tea? Yup, yup. You’re in the club, honey.
Therefore I know now that I am a hopeless addict. Incapable of functioning normally without my daily dose of cocoa. Therefore I will not resist the craving. Let them drag me kicking and screaming to chocoholic rehab.
Till then, bring on the Lindt Dark. Deprived addicts can turn violent.
This fab tunic top from Marc Jacobs
The Paisley Print cinched waist dream from Anna Sui.
These fabulous peep toe heels from I completely forget who and cant be bothered to go back and check.
This brazen hussy Mulberry Ostrich Bayswater tote.
And of course, lifetime supplies of this fabulous new pill they’re talking about in the papers today that promise to let you eat all you want and not put on weight and not age too at the same time? Someone finally discovered the elixir of life, and are putting a patent on it. I’ll believe it when I swallow it, though.
Whats on your wishlist for the moment?
(This article was published in New Woman recently, but I thought it might help many of us battling weight and dressing demons, so enjoy!)
How to dress your curves
For New Woman
By Kiran Manral
Yes, so you’re not quite size zero and you have much more of you to love. And even if you are cheering yourself up with the thought that gentlemen prefer curves, the fact of the matter is that you need to put some thought into your dressing to maximise your curves and minimise your figure flaws in order to look your ravishing best.
How can you do that?
We scan through the dos and donts recommend for those who are definitiely not with the androgynous silhouettes that fashion designers have made popular. Here’s how real women dress to look great.
Dressing to look sleek over all
The Perfect size never exists, or if it does, it does it does so only model frames and not on real world women. Here’s what you need to do.
For starters, never buy off the rack. Try out everything that you buy, if it is too tight you will have unruly rolls of not so pretty excess weight, bulges and flaws tight and highlighted. Just what you dont want right now. Clothes that are too large add to the illusion of excess weight, making you look bulkier than you are. A good tailor is someone you should make friends with, and get as much as you can custom made.
If you wear skirts, remember long skirts work for taller heavier women, but if you are on the shorter side, a longer skirt might make you look even bulkier so stay at a length thats just below the knee for a perfectly balanced look. If you are short, ankle length skirts should be avoided like the plague and the same goes for above the knee skirts if you are tall and heavy.
Look at optical illusion patterns like diagonal stripes and zigzags which can create and illusion of slimness. Vertical and horizontal stripes on the other hand add bulk.
A great way to create the illusion of less girth than you have is a V necked outfit, which breaks the expanse of the bodyline creating an illusion of slimness.
Bootcut jeans and pants are the way to go if your hips and thighs are well endowed. Flare pants will make you look huger than you already are and slimfits will accentuate your bulk.
Also the bootcut balances out the curve of the hip area and adds symmetry to your silhouette, making you look slimmer.
Another must to increase the appearance of slimness. Add a heel to your shoes. Dont wear flats unless you really need to do a lot of walking. A little bit of added height spreads the weight around a bit to create symmetry and some illusion of being sleeker than you are.
Ditch the big belts around the waist if your waist and your hips are the problem areas, the last thing you want to do is to emphasise them.
Jewellery is another instrument that can be used to increase the illusion of slimness of add to your girth if used inappropriately. Jewellery should be minimal, and not bulky, or the jewellery will add to the weight visually making you look heavier than you are.
Darts and pleats and pintucks are not good ideas, they add to the bulk.
The most important point of all, get well fitting innerwear. Tight bra straps cut into your flesh and cause rolls and bulges. Too tight panties can cause cutting rolls in your hip and butt line which arent too flattering to look at. Go in for tummy control hosiery if your tummy is the problem area. Foundation garments that fit well are worth the money, and make you look good to start with.
You might not be blessed with the perfect figure but a sensible and attractive woman is the one who makes the best use of what she has.
Wrap tops, V necks and shirts with waistlines work the best for women who are curvy with a narrow waistline as these show off the waistline. If you are slim at the waist you might like to experiment with a wide belt which cinches the waist. If you must buy skinny jeans, make sure you balance it out with a loose fitted top. But not too oversized, or you’ll just end up looking sloppy.
The prime rule for all curvy women is try before you buy. Something might look fabulous on the mannequin and the salesman might assure you it will look fabulous on you, but dont spend a rupee until you have tried it on and seen how it looks like on you. Sometimes a neck might be too deep or a blouse might pull unappealingly at the hips, stuff that you never know until you see it on yourself.
Styles labelled empire waist can be life savers. These show off your best assets and are cinched under the bustline to give an illusion of slenderness, and are flowing till the waist and hips to conceal bulkier waistlines.
Donot donot ever feel embarassed to shop in maternity sections, they have some beautiful empire line dresses and tops which can be quite flattering to the plus sized woman.
Another tip is to always look for bellshaped sleeves which draw attention to the hands and nails rather than the torso.
Ditch the prints and stripes and go in for solid darker colours. Black is always a lifesaver, dark blue and browns are also a good option for a slimming effect. Top to toe single colours are also slimming. But run a mile from white and light hues, they add on the kilos. And you definitely dont need that.
A trick which will lighten your silhouette when you’re being photographed is to stand at a three fourth angle at the camera and have the camera at a slightly lower level than you are.
The most important tip one can take to heart is to have great confidence and a wonderful self image. If you are confident you can carry off anything you wear with flair and confidence and that makes all the difference to an okay appearance and a knock their eyes out look.
Says Belinda Randhawa, HOD, Mod’Art International, “One doesn’t have to follow too much to look good. There are a few simple tricks which if one keeps in mind, there is no limit to how well presented you can look irrespective of the size of your clothes.
The best bet would be to layer their clothes with fabrics that fall softly or with semi-lined jackets which are without shoulder pads. These can be combined with a-line bottoms and printed tops as they would hide the parts that you want to hide.
One could also have a fusion of indo-western garments. You could team churidars or slim fit pants with long tops, preferably knee length.
Distract is the key word here. You want to take the other persons attention away from such areas. This can be done by accentuating the other, more flattering parts. For example, for women with large arms they should shift the focus by wearing wide necklines and drop shoulders. For women with heavy waistlines an empire cut would be apt as it brings the focus higher towards the bust line. Straight fits also work for this figure type.
To not include prints in a woman’s wardrobe is truly unfair. A figure size should not handicap ones wardrobe that much.
Fine prints are very workable, preferably in neutral or dark tones. Fine net all over or fine scattered motifs work best. These should be used in slimmer areas to use the distract rule mentioned earlier with dark tones like burgundy, wine, chocolate, navy, or the regular but favorite Black.
Princess cuts as they cut the figure but shoulder princess for women with heavier upper bodies, armhole for heavier hips and waists. The A-line silhouette and bias works well for formal bottoms. Fabrics should be lightweight and soft fall with not too much body or too tight. The basic sheath also works for some larger figures.”
How you dress should also be determined by your body shape.
Pearshaped
A pear shaped body is narrow on the shoulders and has a small bust, but is heavy on the hips and thighs. Adding padded shoulders will help balance out the silhouette as will an A Line skirt. Pear shaped bodies should also dress two toned, that is lighter colours above the waist and the darker colours below the waist, to create an illusion of symmetry.
Hour Glass
An hourglass figure is the perfect, most desirable figure one could have. Think Marilyn Monroe, Scarlett Johannson, Salma Hayek and Jessica Simpson, all celebrities who have worked their hourglass figures to their advantage.
An hour glass figure is the ideal womanly body structure to have. The hour glass figure has a small bone structure, with her hips and shoulders relatively in proportion and larger than the waist. Voluptuous, yup. But difficult to dress well without getting into tarty zone.
Dressing with a too tight fit will make you look too much like the ladies of the night. Instead, wear clothes with a looser and smooth fit. Monotones work best by giving a continuous sleek look. Accessorise with jewellery worn on the neck and ears to draw attention away from your curves if you wish to present a serious professional image.
Donot wear sleeveless tops if your arms are flabby. Sleeves can be a lifesaver, and give a sleeker look.
Show off your curvy figure with a form-fitting sheath dress. Be it plain or embellished, this type of dress will accentuate your body in all the right places. A little hipper than desired? Choose an A-line or ball gown, to cover your wider parts and draw attention upward. To achieve this try a strapless bodice ball gown with a full skirt and a cinched waist. Keep eyes above the waist with an embellished neckline
Apple shapped
This body structure has the fat around the midsection, which is way unhealthier than piling up your pounds on your hips and thighs. But since this is not a medical article, we concentrate on the aesthetics here.
Avoid wearing shapeless loose clothes. Select soft flowing materials which are well draped, and emphasise the bustline with a V neck.
There is no reason to get into sackcloth and kurtis if you have more curves than dictated mandatory by the fashion police. Take your time shopping. Cull together images of the looks you like and find them in your size, or get a good tailor to replicate them for you. And finally be confident about yourself. That is the best look you could ever give yourself. Remember, celebrities have stylists working on their look and clother 24 x 7 to make them look great. You have only yourself, and your desire to look great. Work on your look. You owe it to yourself.
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Evergreen tricks to visually slim you
• Dark colors always slim you down.
• Keep your height in consideration when buying clothes. If you are short avoid long tops and skirts, and if you are tall ditch the micro minis and the cropped tops.
• Consider getting clothes tailored to make sure they fit. And dont hesitate to take off the rack clothes to the tailor to get them altered to make them fit well.
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Your inner wear makes a difference.
Tight illfitting innerwear can actually pile on the kilos, by cutting into the flesh and creating unseemly divisions in your back, and creating layers of pantylines. Here’s what the designers at Amante have to say about what kind of innerwear plus size women should wear.
“Bras for plus size women should primarily provide comfort and maximum support. Bras with two to three section cups are ideal as they provide shape and additional support to heavy bosom. Full cover silhouettes also provide full support and better coverage. Avoid padded bras
Cotton fabric cups in the bra are advisable as they naturally wick moisture away. Non stretch cups provide added lift and support.
Strap bras with padded/cushion shoulder guards provides additional comfort and prevents the straps from cutting into skin and thereby relieves pressure and pain on the shoulder or neck. It helps distribute the weight of the breast evenly and increase comfort. Flexible wire free frame lifts and give fit and firm support. Under wires also give good support, but may dig in or cause pressure areas to develop. Minimizer bras could also be looked into as they help to reduce the bust line and offers sleek fit .Wide bottom band bras also is a good option without rolling or riding up.”
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Dont wear this if you have a curvy figure
Chunky knits and sweaters
Puffed sleeves
Skinny jeans
Big, bold prints
Baggy layers
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