Archive for February, 2012

Some pictures from the Bungalow 9 event

The reading with Tisca Chopra and Parul Sharma held at Bungalow 9 on Friday was an education by itself. For one, on how to pose without collapsing into a fit of giggles and secondly, on how foundation that looks perfectly fine and covers up all your patchy bits in sunlight suddenly morphs into what they’ve been slathering up Patty boy with in all the Twilight movies. Anyway, one lives one learns and one needs to take oneself shrieking into the MAC store and get some foundation that doesn’t blanch one into The Ghost Who Walks on High Heels under the glare of flashbulbs.

Here some pictures.

On Times Now yesterday

Of course I was bleddy nervous. And to add to my misery at having to speak on camera, my butt wouldn’t fit on that tiny little barstool meant for ferociously thin anchors. Gah.

http://www.timesnow.tv/ENTERTAINMENT/Kiran-Manral-unplugged/videoshow/4396500.cmsMe on Times Now's Morning Now on Feb 23, 2012

A ride in an autorickshaw

The winds slap at my face as
This infernal vehicle which makes me wish I had my prayer beads to clutch at
And mouth words I have not mouthed since childhood
Takes me through a ride that stops my heart. Again. And again.

I think back to the bundle of my flesh and blood
Waiting for me to return and
Run to me, for me to inhale intoxicate myself with the smell of
Small boy sweat and relief, and grubby fingers clutching me

Bhaiya dheere chalao, koi jaldi nahin hai
I tell the man, while I count the minutes to reaching home.
Knowing that the minutes will wait
The seconds will morph into a seamless whole
The moment will get frozen into a split when
I see myself flying through the air
And the asphalt rushing towards me, crisp and crackling

With the moltenness of a day’s sun soaked into it,
And the crunch of metal piercing
My ears. The thud of the back landing on unyielding ground.
The screech of brakes as the oncoming traffic stops.
I hear from another place
A jagged cry from my lips
as the hand is pinned beneath the weight of
Metal. The sensation of time slowing down as faces
Look down at me with concern and hands lift the weight
Off my hand. Swollen. Bones broken.

Bhaiya dheere chalaana
I have my hand. Mummified. In white crepe.
I can go home and hold my boy.
Tight. And smell his little boy sweat and see his wondering eyes
Light up as I enter, confident that I would come home to him

(This was written some days after a particularly gruesome accident on the Western Express Highway in Mumbai, where my autorickshaw slammed into a suddenly braking car up front, turned turtle and had two of my fingers of my right hand pinned under it. Particularly poignant for me, two thoughts at that second, that I would never see my child again and that I wouldn’t be able to type again.)

The case of the mysteriously flushing toilet

The new house, ah well, not so new now that we’ve spent close on six months living here, is now approaching the status of familiarity. Hands reach automatically to where light switches are instead of fumbling where they used to be in the previous residence. When one wakes up in the night, wanting a drink of water or an urgent trip to the bathroom, the footsteps move in the right direction and one doesn’t bump into walls where the mind had assumed doors would be.
For all its wonderful wide 180 degree view of the suburban Mumbai coastline, we do have a strange, strange cohabitant of our home we have learnt to live with.
The first introduction happened some days after we moved in. As we put the lights off, cleared the bed of all the bundles of clothes (our wardrobe was yet to be set up) and drew the covers over selves, we heard the unmistakeable sound of the commode being flushed. The spouse and I looked at each other and sat upright. Visions of The Amityville Horror flashed in the mind’s eye. I must cut down on watching these horror movies, every single instance from a sudden shadow has me reaching out for rosary and mini crucifixes with quick reflexes and trying to recall every word of the Lord’s prayer, last recited in a distant childhood.
“Did the loo flush itself?” I asked the spouse, cautiously.
“It sounded like that,” said spouse replied, reluctant to get out of the bed and go investigate. But being designated man in the room, and therefore marked by nature and horror movies as the person who needs to go investigate all suspicious sounds, he was exhorted by me to trot off, poke his head into the bathroom and report on the mysterious flushing sounds. He arose, with much grumbling about plumbing issues in such new constructions, and ventured forth bravely, poked head into bathroom, switched on light, reported the all clear and we tucked ourselves back to sleep. Until, circa three am. When I was woken again by the sound of the toilet flushing itself. At which point I bolted up and looked at my knight in shining armour who was snoring peaceably undisturbed by the sounds of mysteriously flushed commodes. Like the mandatory blonde in the slasher movie who ventures forth to check out strange occurences even when warned not to, I rose and moved gingerly towards the bathroom. Opened the door, switched the light on with trembling hand and looked in. All was calm all was quiet. I switched off the light with still trembling hand and spent a sleepless night, waiting for the loo to flush itself again.
The next morning, I used the other bathroom. It has been six months now and the loo flushing continues. The plumber who has been summoned a couple of times to figure it out has scratched his head and admitted defeat, theorising that the flush might be activated when some other flush in the long line from first floor to 20th floor is pressed simultaneously.
As for us, given that the flushing is perhaps the only manifestation of the “You are not alone” we have made out peace with it and concluded it is a plumbing issue and not, as I would be more keen to accept, given it is much more dramatic and interesting, a restless soul caught in an afterlife with no restrooms.
Last night. I woke up circa 3 am, with the urge to err, visit said bathroom and ambled in comfortably without thinking about ghostly flushings and such like. I flushed, emerged and lay myself down to sleep when I heard the familiar flushing sound from the bathroom. The heartbeat did not accelerate, the pulse did not quicken, I did not leap up trembling like leaf in wind, shaking spouse to arise and investigate. I shut my eyes and went off to sleep.
I can live with the occasional toilet being flushed by invisible hand. Perhaps I’ve lost the romance in my soul and now believe in more prosaic explanations like plumbing issues, over the supernatural. What I would think though, is scarier than the supernatural is the prospect of shifting house again.

Want to win a signed copy of The Reluctant Detective?

A simple contest, all you need to go here and leave a comment in the comment space telling me who your favourite female protagonist in literature is and why.

Ten signed books are up for grabs. Contest ends Feb 20th. Go now. This very minute. Take part.

Night

Night is not the dark winds
Of a strange mind floating through
Paths you and I wandered together without
Meeting.
Night is the moment when I stop and see the sun go out
of your eyes and the shadow
loom in your pupils
dense with the stench of fear and death.

Night is not the cocoon of dark warmth
Shielding us from the harshness
Of winter swirling around us
Sweeping us into a maelstrom of urgency
Taking us into a world where nothing
Exists except the feel of skin and the bump of bone.

Night is not the vacuum of the moment
Where time stretches into a continuum
Looping around itself in endless reruns
Of what might have beens and what could have beens
Of a parallel existence of regrets and
Returns to forks in paths not taken

Night is when I hide in your arms and breathe
Deeply of you, and feel the sun struggle to make
its presence felt from the other side of the globe
Stridently announcing its return to flare our universe into a light
We did not want to enter
The night is cosy, warm and silent
It bathes us in black forgetfulness
You and I
In the night

So I had a shoot yesterday….

…be still my beating heart. It was me. In front of camera, light boxes, and with people fussing over my hair, my make up, pinning sleeves in place, being gentle with me in case I lose my good humour and start tantrumming. Let me sit down for one long moment and absorb that.
I’ve always been on the other side of shoots. The fetch and carry girl. The one who goes scurrying out to fetch whole wheat chicken sandwiches because the model felt like eating that and not the regular unit food that the rest of us minions were downing, and ending up travelling to a different ward in order to locate an outlet selling said chicken sandwich and rushing back huffing and panting with it, to find the entire shoot held up and major tantrumming on because of the delay in the fetching of said sandwich. Given that this shoot happened at my house, I had no scope to tantrum for a chicken sandwich, but it did feel rather surreal to submit my face to the ministrations of a professional make up person and my hair to the hands of a young girl who was surely zygote in utero when I was young girl.
So there I was sitting on a chair while stuff was daubed, brushed on and powdered onto me. The eyebrows were filled in, the eyelids painted on, the liner and mascara applied and the cheeks contoured, the lips lined and filled in. Yes, when I caught a peek of myself in the mirror I did wonder if I could just take the face off, hang it on the bathroom peg and put it on again the next time I felt like looking all glam. Given my everyday make up routine is liner and lipstick and mascara has never made fleeting acquaintanceship with my eyes given my innate squeamishness about everything concerned with eyes, a fear born from years of putting in semi soft contact lenses and infinite occasions of them traversing into remote corners of the eye and emergency visits to eye doctors to get them out. (I confess, I blinked so hard a couple of times when mascara was being applied that I managed to get myself panda eyed and the poor soul working hard on making me presentable almost sat down and sobbed into his make up paraphernalia). Then there were the changes and the fussing over my look. And best of all, someone folding and draping my scarf perfectly for me, and another ensuring that the damn hair stayed out of my eyes. Given that on good days, the scarf is thrown around the neck as an afterthought and on bad days the self is thrown around the scarf as an afterthought, this was the height of hedonism for me.
The entire process took a few hours. Change outfit, Make up hair, change outfit, make up hair, change outfit make up hair. At the end of it all, I emerged with new found respect for models and actors and people who do this on a regular basis and doffed my metaphorical hat to them. Sitting still while make up is being done takes courage and a quietening of nerves which would require little pills dissolved in water. I have since resolved that anyone who does this on an everyday basis is nothing less that superhuman and I so need tips on how to look at the camera without a “I didn’t do it” guilty expression on my face, worthy of a police station shot with placard bearing name up front.
Thankfully, this terrifying experience happened with much hand holding by an old and dear friend who was in charge of the shoot and was considerably less traumatic than it might have been. I even, gasp, looked at the final images and wondered who the doppelganger was. And crossed my fingers that photoshop would be used extensively in the manner the Good Lord Intended It to be used on stuff that marred my perfection, of which there was plenty. To start with it would be nice if they morphed my face onto Monica Belluci’s body, but a similar attempt using Monica Belluci’s face and body together would be much appreciated. Nonetheless. The shoot is done. The pictures will be out in print in a bit, and what the hell, its me there.Not the regular me of course, but you’ll forgive me the war paint, won’t you.

My Delhi trip for the launch of The Reluctant Detective

Day 1, Feb 2nd. Fleximoms lunch at Asia 7
With Anita Vasudev and Natasha Badhwar discussing Women who leave the formal workforce.
Day 2,
Feb 3rd. Delhi Gymkhana. With Devapriya Roy and Swapna Liddle.
No pictures of that one in yet, unfortunately. But a lovely engraved plaque as a memento.

Day 3, Feb 4th
Kiehl’s Coffee Meet at Ambience Mall Vasant Kunj and Quill and Canvas, South Point Mall, Gurgaon.
No pictures in from the Kiehl’s Coffee meet, but here are some from Quill and Canvas. The highlight of the evening, I would think, were the shoe shaped cookies baked by the very pretty Natasha Minocha of Tasha’s Artisan Foods which did the catering for the event. Delhi people, if you ever have an event, she’s the one to go to (info@tashasfoods.com).

Day 4
Tweet Up, Cafe Turtle at Full Circle, Khan market.

And I was at St Xavier’s Zeitgeist 2012

Here’s proof they invited me.

Me? I’m still recovering from the shock that a huge room full of over 100 students sat attentively and listened to me without heckling me off, with catcalls and the proverbial rotten tomatoes.


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