Chubby is the new chic

I didnt say that, the newspapers did. And that too The Times of India. And as anyone knows, if it is in The Times of India, it is the gospel truth and so it has been since I could make sense of the ant scrawls masquerading as alphabets arranged in sequence on a printed page. Rubens, God bless his fondness for avoir dupois, had it right when he painted them women with the nice rotundities masqerading as a figure.

Chubby, says the paper, is the new healthy. I knew it. I knew it. I am chubby. The brat is not. The article also goes on to add how women who are rounder at the hips produce smarter kids. Didnt see any evidence of that happening here, with the brat still struggling to get his alphabets right, though he can sing any damn song he hears one time round down to its last offkey note.

To go back to said report, which has perked up my morning enough for me to wolf down two ghee soaked parathas back to back, says and I quote, “Oveweight people had the lowest mortality rate of any weight group. There were 100,000 fewer deaths among the overweight than would have been expected if those people would have been of normal weight.”

Also, adds a report at the side, and I beg you to study the words with much care. ” Curvy women are the smarter lot.” *Discreet cough* “The research found that ladies with large hips and small waists are cleverer than those with apple shaped bodies. In fact, according to international researchers, women with an hourglass figure are not only intelligent , they also gave birth to brighter children.”

Does this explain why my IQ levels dropped to 80 something in the year I had my baby, after all my crowing about it being 142 during the sole time I took them damn tests during college career counselling days, when brain was razor sharp with preparation for all them entrance exams one never sat through.

These hips which have always caused me much grief in changing rooms and during trials of clothing are where all the Omega 3 fatty acids, says the report, have deposited themselves, and through some inexplicable osmosis has transfered itself to the brat. Therefore now all the walking and struggling to shave a couple of millimeters off them wall to wall hips it seems, is not a great idea. After all, thats where my brains are. And that is what the newspaper reports say and who am I to disprove the theory.

The next time you look at me and snigger at my waddling hips, think twice. Thats the repository of my brain power. Look ye and weep.

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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4 Responses to Chubby is the new chic

  1. Moppet's Mom says:

    LOL!LOL!LOL! Only you find such wonderful research! πŸ˜€
    Not that it’s not totally right and scientific, of course!

    Like

  2. Kiran Manral says:

    Moppets Mom: *Wide Eyed In Shock* I swear on my last Jumbo Mac, this is the truth, the verbatim excerpts of a report published in todays newspaper. How could you doubt my integrity???? πŸ˜‰

    Like

  3. dipali says:

    I like, I like this post.
    Wall to wall everything, that’s me:)

    Like

  4. 4lorac says:

    Ha…I guess I have been chic for my entire life and just didnt know it….well….I knew it, no one else did…how sad! I just have to pop in so often and read you!!you are my ray of snaity in this effed up worl, saying what I can only think and not know how to put into words!! happy holidays, and everything else!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

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