Donot snigger when I pass. Even if you look like you’ve been poured into your outfit and I look like I am spilling all over. I will survive an ice age. You wont.
If you are above 5ft 5 inches, could you kindly not stand next to me in the lift, especially if you are wearing additional heels and I am on my ballerinas, given brat accompaniment requirement. You might as well just hammer me into the floor.
If you have no cellulite, do me the courtesy of not flashing perfect thighs from a miniskirt when all I can see is magnified orange peels every where on mine, the kind that lymphatic drainage massages conducted in hushed tone day spas charge a hand and a foot to get rid off, dont budge a centimeter.
If your twins are still perky, and you can afford to go without the double support and underwire and triple strap harness I have to straightjacket myself into to avoid sweeping the floor in front of me as I pass through, do me the favour of keeping out of my sight, unless you want real bad evil eye to hit you.
If you can get into your trousers without having to suck in your belly, or you still rush into changing rooms with armfuls of clothes off the rack, without needing to hunt for sympathetic salesperson, female, to find something that might just fit, go ahead, do your changing and trying on without sniggering about how I seem hung up on that one unflattering pair of trousers that really does nothing to diminish the butt, but which I must take because IT IS THE ONLY ONE THEY HAVE IN THAT SIZE.
If you picked out your clothes in the kids section because nothing in regular sizes fitted you, I dont even want to know you or speak to you. You, blight on the food chain, you.
And you, the one who disappears when seen in silhouette, please, please do you mind turning frontal to give me some opacity between you and the background. I was almost going dizzy there wondering if I was hallucinating.
And you, you tittering there in the corner, all of 18 years and as many kilos, giggling as you see me wolf down all on my tray in a couple of bites, know that I am not at risk of anaemia and osteoporosis.
And words of wisdom from a woman to a girl: The men, they like the curves. So there.
About Kiran Manral
Kiran Manral is a writer and major social media influencer. After quitting her full-time journalist’s job when her son was born, Kiran became a mommy blogger on the internet, with a remarkably original voice. She was a journalist at The Asian Age, The Times of India, features editor Cosmopolitan, India Cultural Lead and Trend spotter at Gartner Iconoculture US, Senior Consultant at Vector Insights, Ideas Editor, SheThePeople.TV. Kiran is currently a celebrated author and an independent research and media consultant.
She was shortlisted for the Femina Women Awards for Literary Contribution in 2017. The Indian Council of UN Relations (ICUNR) supported by the Ministry of Women and Children, Govt of India, awarded her the International Women’s Day Award 2018 for excellence in the field of writing. In 2021 she was awarded the Womennovator 1000 Women of Asia award. In 2022, she was named amongst the 75 Iconic Indian women in STEAM by Red Dot Foundation and Beyond Black, in collaboration with the Office of the Principal Scientific Advisor, Government of India, and British High Commission, New Delhi.
Her novella, Saving Maya, was long-listed for the 2018 Saboteur Award, supported by the Arts Council of England in the UK. Her novels 'The Face At the Window’ and ‘Missing, Presumed Dead were both long-listed for Jio MAMI Word to Screen, and ‘The Face at the Window’ was showcased at the South Asian Film Festival 2019. The Kitty Party Murder was shortlisted for the Popular Choice award at the 2021 JK Papers TOI AutHER awards.
Her other books include The Reluctant Detective, Once Upon A Crush, All Aboard, Karmic Kids-The Story of Parenting Nobody Told You, A Boy’s Guide to Growing Up, True Love Stories, 13 Steps to Bloody Good Parenting, Raising Kids with Hope and Wonder in Times of a Pandemic and Climate Change, More Things in Heaven and Earth and Rising: 30 Women Who Changed India. She also has published short stories in various magazines, in acclaimed anthologies like Have A Safe Journey, Boo, The Best Asian Speculative Fiction 2018, Grandpa’s Tales, Magical Women and City of Screams. Kiran lives in Mumbai with her family.
Social media handles
Twitter: https://twitter.com/KiranManral
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kiranmanral/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KiranManralAuthorPage
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kiranmanral/
Fortytwoandcounting 
Hear Hear!! The gentlemen, they do prefer the curves… in the right places mind!!
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“If your twins are still perky, and you can afford to go without the double support and underwire and triple strap harness I have to straightjacket myself into to avoid sweeping the floor in front of me as I pass through, do me the favour of keeping out of my sight, unless you want real bad evil eye to hit you.”
You are hilarious kiran….i loved this bit so very much…pretty much what I think.
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Awwww… don’t feel so sad.
And yes, all guys worth their salt dig curves! Anorexic is passe. It’s another matter that it should never have existed to begin with.
:yawns:
:more post-exam yawns:
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true and LOL 🙂
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Lol.
If you picked out your clothes in the kids section because nothing in regular sizes fitted you….
That was the best part 🙂
Ummm, Kiran, is it ok if I stand next to you if I have committed only one of the aforementioned 8 sins?
I am tall. And there is nothing I can do about it. But being on your side for the other 7 means something na? 🙂
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Can I add one more to the list?
Those new moms who tell you they drop 5 lbs below their pre-pregnancy weight 6 months after giving birth JUST BY NURSING! I nursed my kids anywhere from 12-18 months and I never had a super weight-calorie-sucking-right-out-of-your-body baby. ARGH…
And I am saving money to get the twins put back where they belong by my 40th birthday! I told my dh to put that down along with retirement money..:)
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I loved the bit about the Ice age! that was hilarous and actually true..! 😀
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ROFL, the comments are funny too
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Loved reading this one too.
..’all of 18 years and as many kilos’ is so funny!
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*hugs*
*rushes back and hugs you once more*
You said it..
In your own, inimitable style…
As always….
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Been lurking for a while and needless to say, I love your writing. Brilliant. That’s the only word for it!!
*Hugs*
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I’m going to link you if you dont mind!
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ROTFL I enjoy reading your blog very much. This post was hilarious. I nearly snorted out my tea on the screen 😀
*sigh* as someone who has given up on the tummy becoming flat again – I’m on your side. *real* men like curves. and cellulite.
“magnified orange peel” ROTFL again.
sorry Kiran. I couldn’t resist. *hugs*
-Priya.
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custommade curves: They do, dont they?
Booboosmamma: I tell you. Sometimes I feel like a horse in harness.
Suki: Gmorning.
Tapan: Needed a male comment to validate that point.
Priyanka: Of course, only if you are as wide as you are tall.
sraikh: along with the retirement money you say. Smart girl. The husband is being cheap and says he likes me all natural.
Tara: Yup. I will survive an ice age. I am the Mammoth in a woolly.
PoppinsMom: LOL.
IHM: Its the truth. These girls are a million feet tall, and refuse to go beyond 35 kilos. Its scary.
RV: *Hugs right back*
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Kiran, can you access my blog?
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LOL! That was hilarious and true. Can’t think of anything else to add since I’m busy laughing.
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LOL! Kiran! You’re hilarious! I bow to thee!
And ahem…I am guily of having committed the cardinal sins of shopping at the kids’ section, vanishing silhouette and all. But that’s all in the past – now I’m a ‘Cellulite Sistah’ – Amen!
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I love you ….
for
making me laugh.
🙂
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🙂 I was just passing by, and am in office literally laughing on the floor……………. wait…let me stop..
ok, this post was hilarious and some of the points resonated with me…… :). And yea……. curves and health (in that order 🙂 ) are definitely better……. :). Thanx
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hilarious – just read this – and right on, sister!!!
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