Jottings Part IV: From a supermarket

There are plenty of trolleys to go around. Or is this particular one your super duper triple special extra lucky trolley with the magical ability of wheeling you to the best bargains in store?

The aisle is meant for free passage of shoppers trying to stock up their trolleys with required groceries and non essentials like namkeen and chocolates. Not, I would like to inform you, as the chosen meeting ground for you and your long lost friend from the neighbourhood to have an extended gossip session with your two trolleys firmly blocking any chance of movement.

When I say ‘Excuse me,” politely and firmly, it means move your ass and your trolley now, I need to pass, not turn around haughtily, look at me up and down and continue to bend on your arthritic haunches checking the bottom most shelf for comparitives on pricing of varieties of garbage bags.

Do not smirk at the amount of chocolates and other such sweet stuff in my trolley as you past. You might be reed thin, and your trolley might be bursting with probiotic yoghurt and organic produce, but I am the one going to die happy and sated with the contentment of having indulged that sweet tooth to my heart’s content.

The couple that shopped walking together in spoon fashion with their trolley in front of them, and with stick insect male version of man nuzzling stick insect female version of woman’s neck, please spare us the horror. Find yourself a deserted beach or a room.

Did you really truly and completely take the time, effort and energy to coordinate your eyeshadow, nailpolish, bag, clothes, sunglasses and shoes, just to come grocery shopping. And is that mascara I see on your eyes. Oh, you’re a television actress? Maybe you ran away straight from the shoot.

Oh you cutie cute newly weds shopping together for the first time I think for your monthly provisions, donot start your married life haggling over brands. Surf is as good as Ariel, and doesnt matter if your mother used Surf. Or shop separately, with two shopping lists.

Do you really need so much toilet paper. So much?

Dont look over the contents of my trolley as the girl scans them. Its rude. Am I asking for your age and your salary?

Yes, yes, I need to compare prices. I need to crawl all over the shelves, do you mind waiting a second while I pick what I need without breathing down my neck.

The happy hippo family that shopped together the other day and caused unmentionable aisle congestion. Do let me know when you plan going shopping next, with date and time and grocery list. I will make sure I pick another day or another aisle.

And as for the wuss who whumped me hardΒ in the back of my knees with his trolley and continued yelling into his Blue tooth without even a flicker of an apology, you’re lucky. You got saved by the fact that I had a child to chase through aisles. Or you would have been skinned and your pelt hung to dry in the frozen meats section.

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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8 Responses to Jottings Part IV: From a supermarket

  1. SM says:

    everytime i look at the newly wed types in supermarkets – thank god that DH insisted that we do grocery shopping separately (not sure whether it was wisdom or that he hates shopping generally). Fight hard the urge to jump in and tell them – in the larger scheme of things, 20 years down the line will Rs. 40 basmati vs. Rs. 70 basmati really make a difference!!

    Like

  2. Gayatri says:

    Kiran – I cannot agree with you more.
    Don’t want to sound like a firang…but living in the US we have learned to be super polite at super markets. I was with my parents 3 months prior to my wedding (just a mini retirement before life-long naukri)and of course I went grocery shopping with my mom to Big Bazaar (or something like that…)
    Oh! the horror of being in there on a popular day when tomatoes were Rs. 5 per kg. People were super rude, cutting into line (I even corrected one for doing so…and of course she was not pleased about it). What’s worse is that the guy at the counter helping people weigh things did not utter a word – and I gave him a sounding too. But I guess to his point he was just a helper…not so much a row monitor like we had them in school.
    The pitiful part was that these same people will behave themselves if you put them in a super market in a foreign country. But they forget that charity begins at home!
    It was so bad I swore never to go back again if I saw the huge crowds inside.

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  3. dee says:

    hilarious πŸ™‚

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  4. Gigi says:

    Define hippo family! Should I pray I never run into you in a supermarket? πŸ˜‰

    Sharrup. These were gigantic.

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  5. and the types who do not respect express q or the types who have just one item to be scanned against my just 2 & poke their asses before me to get billed first

    He he. Ive learnt to put my arm out before them and have pushed back a few sometimes, smiling sweetly and saying I was here first.

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  6. NainaAshley says:

    You mean th TV actresses shop at your supermarket?
    LOL! Can count on you to take the mundane task of supermarket shopping and turn it into an entertaining piece.
    BTW I have been meaning to email you since I saw your comment about Mary Kay products in your post about make up.
    You can look online at http://www.marykay.com/
    Email me if there’s anything you want.
    I’m planning on visiting Bombay around Diwali time. I can deliver it to you then.

    Naina: Marykay is online here, am too lazy to go and order and stuff…dont worry, and thanks for the sweet offer.
    Yup television actresses and actors shop in our supermarkets because I live in telly land. I have ten of them in my own building, including your own Parvati. Not to mention the dozens in neighbouring buildings. Tis the damn area, crawling with them.

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  7. Abha says:

    πŸ˜€

    i though it was you! i mean the style cant be copied by someone else unless the copy cat is terribly smart too! πŸ˜€ the photo is so different too!!

    well so thereres more of you to read!! yyiippee! πŸ™‚

    cheers!

    abha

    Your joy at finding more of me is heartening!!! Since I am not heartened by the so much more of me happening these days. Yup, the photo is a fraud na, tell that to all them who think I am a glamazon. I just keep it up for vanity purposes.

    Like

  8. Abha says:

    oops! i never commented about the post!!

    yeah! you meet all kinds dontcha??!! πŸ™‚

    when you see me, you will know its the woman who is trying to find the freshest pack!! :p

    but i cant help with terribly near expiry stuff most supermarkets keep these days, i just keep checking!

    cheers!

    abha

    Ever since I got blinder, I stopped doing that!! I really should get that reading number checked out.

    Like

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