..and we are encrusted with a layer of smog every morning any way, and would need a sword to cut through it in order to proceed a few feet, and the weather is getting positively pleasant, and the skin is no longer oozing oil to the quantum that actually mandates a couple of derricks taking up permanent residence on the pitted surface, and the need to ingest fattening foods grows on the hour, given the nice blotted out sun, and the gentle chill wind that blows in, I just know that the kilos are going to take up permanent residence on them hips, and get their squatter certificates and ration cards made too, to circumvent eviction.
Therefore drastic measures are called for. This means skipping one entire meal. I decided to skip dinner yesterday. It was no great sacrifice because I had already downed a plate full of panipuris and could barely lift myself from the dining table where I had taken myself and the assorted katoris of pani, methi chutney, boondi, alu, boiled peas and the like that goes into the stuffing. Nothing was fried. That was the good part. I could eat so healthy every single day. I got veggies in too. Boiled peas are not veggies??? Cross your heart????
Okay. Therefore, maybe boiled potatoes and peas were not exactly dieters food. But every single article I read on models who got into bikini shape before their swimsuit calendar shoots said, yes, they exercised manically, but I didnt read that, and they cut out all carbs. And basically lived on protein shakes for months. I can also swear my last surviving strands of hair that had I been in their place, I would have been tearing out them surviving strands and running barefoot to the nearest fast food joint and downing cheesecrust double layered pizza with extra toppings, the way the wild children from jungles do when confronted with food they dont have to hunt and kill to eat do.
Maybe there is something to be said for denying oneself of carbs. Given that I am a pukka rice person, I need to get my system to accept the lack of carbs as a valid food option. Read. A platefull of KFC strips is a valid food option. And I dont need a plateful of chicken biryani. You mean I need to have some veggies? Is a burger with that lettuce a better option? No, it has bread, therefore carbs???
Its very confusing. I long for the state of being pregnant when I was actually looked on indulgently when I gobbled down food like an endless pit, rather than having people raise eyebrows and take plates of food away from under my face, wagging fingers like one does to children ODing on icecream. Or the man telling me gently at an eat all you can buffet, that while he knows it is an eat all you can buffet, it would be nice if I left something for the other diners.
The only time in my life people voluntarily asked me what I would like to eat and cooked the delicacies, and then sent them across. Now I get lists of what not to eat and how to control my diet.
The only time I ever looked at the weighing scale needle moving up without a modicum of guilt and actually agonised if it didnt month on month. And now when the scale is going uphill with absolutely no sharm lihaaz, I bite my nails and refuse to climb on in a public situation.
The new regimen therefore is thus. Cut down all servings by half. Go with the child to the garden in the evening and run a bit. Climb up home whenever I can and have not worn stilletoes. And yes, will try and cut out those carbs.
That is the scariest part of it all. I am the one who cannot live without my buttered bread slices dipped in tea. or my plateful of rice and curry. But I need to build a steely resolve and be firm about this. After all how long can I siddle in at the maindoor sideways?