The bag that bites the hand that fills it…

I have one such bag. I adore it with a love that is beyond brands, material used and 70 per cent sale price tags. It is brown. And shiny. And has drawstring straps. And I could probably use it to kidnap a not too chubby toddler too with no one the wiser, unless of course, wailing sounds emanate from said bag at inappropriate time. I could also use this bag to transport half my kitchen in an emergency if the need so arises. On regular days of course, it is the repository of make up pouch containing more lipsticks than ever get pressed into service in a year, eyeliners, sunblock, glosss, liquid blush (which has the honour of being as virgin as it was when it was bought from the store), tweezers and thread (yup, when you have PCOD, very bad eyesight and a manic morning schedule, you never leave home without it, havingย suffered umpteen The Horror, The Horror moments when one caught a glimpse of self in store mirror and saw thick long strand grinning cheekily back at one from the chinnie chin chin), umpteen safety pins (buttons popping and zips splitting on one have been experienced in infinite Oh Mother Earth Swallow Me Now moments), and the spectacle case, the contact lens case and solution, the sunglasses, the wallet, the mobile, the infinite ball point pens, and such like to the point that if the phone rings it is actually easier to dump the contents of the bag on the nearest available flat surface rather than stick my head in and trying to find infernal ringing chain and ball from hell.

The other day, the phone rang when I was in a very very trying situation. At Hypercity. With the child. Correction. With the child running amok. And with me yelling at the top of my voice for the child to stand still in a single spot till I managed to hobble over to him. (Why hobble, you ask kindly, tis because I, in my zeal to knock off the kilos settled on my butt, climbed up and down 20 floors twice over and consquently had no legs left for three days. No legs that were in working condition, that is. Only legs that felt like they were made of blocks of wood and which refused to move in any direction the brain yelled commands at them to move towards, and just generally flopped down, bearing the rest of the torso on comfortable resting surfaces. Many salted hot water soaks, combiflams and iodex rubs later, I was in hobble hobble mode. And of course, without them stilettoes). In such precarious situations, phones which are decent well behaved phones are supposed to keep silent. And not ring insistently. Not this phone. No sirree. It began singing the dratted Airtel tune. (Yup. Lazy me has not yet set a ring tone). Between ear drum piercing yells which would have done a Red Indian off to gather some scalps proud, asking the child to get his scrawny butt within direct vision, I began fishing around in said bag. It would have been sensible to ignore said infernal ringing. But you know, it could be that call from the casting agent offering me the lead in the latest Hollywood blockbuster. Or it could be a call informing me that I’d won the sweepstakes. Or it could be a call to randomly gossip about folks I know. All of which made said call unmissable. People around began edging away from me, and the security staff began closing in gingerly, I could almost see them gesturing furtively for the straitjacket and the restraints. The infernal phone wouldnt stop ringing, and ringing, the child kept running, I kept hobbling as fast at block wood legs would allow me and yelling simultaneously. Finally it happened. I yelped in pain as something pointed and sharp bit my hand as it fished around searching for said infernal phone. It had finally happened. My bag had come alive, and contained a ferocious rabid animal which would emerge and eat me alive. Luckily, a staffer had grabbed the child by the teeshirt and frogmarched him to me. I pulled out my bitten hand and examined it tearfully. A drop of blood glared angrily at me. Dratted safety pins on the loose.

I have since vowed to downsize to a bag which has an easily accessible pocket for said misbehaving mobile.ย  When I get round to doing that is another issue and another post. And I’m putting in them infant safety pins in the new bag. You know, the ones with the plastic elephants where the head of the pin should be. Dont stare at me the next time if you see a blue plastic elephant where an innocous discreet zip should have been. Its holding my sanity together.

Advertisements

About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to The bag that bites the hand that fills it…

  1. Imp's Mom says:

    all you need to add now are band aids ๐Ÿ™‚ my bag is a treasure chest for imp and like you I have the same essentials ๐Ÿ™‚

    btw you have been tagged ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  2. Anon says:

    btw, whose call was it?:p

    Like

  3. M says:

    LOL! Didn’t you say your usual uniform was jeans? Then get yourself a belt-pouch for the phone, and clip it to the pocket of your jeans – it’s easily accesible that way. Crackberries have many suitable belt pouches!

    M

    Like

  4. Mukta says:

    ๐Ÿ™‚ came here from mumbaidiva’s blog. I can totally empathize with the ‘big bag, lots of stuff’ syndrome. In fact, one of the people I work with had once remarked that if my bag had wheels, it would be luggage. Hee hee!

    Like

  5. CA says:

    You certainly have a valid case to go for a new bag … one with multiple sections … so you can stock the lipsticks, pins and the like in separate sections … and an assistant to sort the said items for you !

    Like

  6. Haha you have a Mary Poppins bag… you know the kind that she took lampposts and sundry items out of!

    What a wonderful excuse to buy another bag! I would take the excuse and run with it.

    Whenever I read of Baby diaper safety pins, I remember a picture of Dimple Kapadia in a Stardust magazine, years ago in my childhood. There was this photo of her walking into a party wearing a lovely chiffon sari. Except that she was either drunk or just so baby crazed busy that she had… drumroll please… one of the elephant headed pins holding the pleats of the sari together. Yeah, pinned in front, like a mascot for her knees. I remember it especially because my mother scrutinised the picture and huffed “she may be a pretty young thing, but I would never pin my pleats like that”. I think my mom smiled all day after that!

    Like

  7. whatsinaname says:

    i think you can tell your bag that her sister whom she lost in kumbh ka mela is finally here! time for reunion! Cos I happen to hold her right now ! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Like

  8. xanindia says:

    What a story. A bag that “launch a thousand bites”. Anyway, at least you are going green by loving your sole bag whom you can trust to put all your important items in a snap – a carry all bag.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s