Summer times are here again…

Perhaps the most telling of it all, is that I now sleep with the permanent hum of the airconditioner lulling me off to sleep. And wonder who the good fella is who invented said miracle device, so I can go and pump his hand and thank him for this wonderful service to humankind, deserving, in my humble opinion, a Noble prize at the very least, and beatification at the most, for his contribution to extending the lifespan of mortals like me who, at the first hint of heat of any sort, wilt and die.

Yup, its official, I hate the summer. I also hate the monsoon. I dont hate winters because, I live in Mumbai. We dont have any winter worth hating. This year, I climbed into the loft, even got stuck inside, and hauled down the suitcases, and took out fabulous sweaters only to find we had the thermometer wavering between deciding to dip a degree or rise a degree. Only the smog made it feel winter. I can live in the Mumbai winter. I dont sweat buckets then. One week of the terrible muggy Mumbai summer, and I have already shed kilos of fat melted by terrible heat leading to a new slim and improved me. Or so I can hope. Reality of course, is a fat, sweaty woman, hastily moping her face up with wipes and napkins and wringing them out to water the parched plants on the road dividers.

Now if this said genius can invent personal portable airconditioners that one could attach to one’s person and move about, I would kiss feet. I swear. But since that doesnt seem to be happening in the near future, I’m doing the next best I can and checking the wardrobe out for clothes that are pure cotton. Light colours and full sleeves. I found zilch that fitted in with all three requirements. Considering one lives in a city which is fast reaching decimate humanity levels of heat, where the inhabitants will soon naturally evolve into longer thinner beings to create more surface area so as to disseminate body heat and such like, my wardrobe is horrifically unsuited to summer. For one. I have a gadzillion black tshirts. When I say gadzillion, I mean gadzillion. Not more, not less. And whatever is not black is in wonderfully unsuitable fabrics like corduroy, velvet, knits and the like. Yup, yup, I fantasise I live in lands where it snows. I know.

This might have been the perfect opportunity to take myself shopping, but sadly depleted walletary resources assure me that I dare shop at the risk of living on bubble gum for the rest of my life, therefore, I am thinking quick and thinking hard as to how to resolve this issue, and dress in a manner that will not result in an internal combustion episode where I spontaneously burst into flames and have the Discovery channel folks rush across to make a documentary on unexplained phenomena, with Fox and Mulder skulking in the background, wearing overcoats and talking into their mobile phones.  Damn. I should be able to spontaneously uncombust right then and shake hands with David Duchovny. Anyway.

Right now, I’ve found the perfect garment for the summer. The ganji. Unfortunately, I cannot be seen in public wearing that, on the risk of the sudden outbreak of conjunctivitis, therefore, I think the next best option is for me to spend the summer days indoors. With the curtains drawn and the chiks down. And the AC on. Yup, what was that inventor’s name again? Definitely owe him a thank you note. And a recommendation for said Nobel prize. Along with the chappie who invented home delivery. And the other fellow who figured out plumbing to help us have cold showers. And the fourth chappie who created deodorants. Yup, I owe them all big time. And the man who put together the refrigerator. Damn, I should just move to the Antartic.

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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11 Responses to Summer times are here again…

  1. Aathira says:

    Oh boy… is it that humid and hot in Mumbai? I thought this was just the start of the summers, isn’t the worst yet to come up through May – June?

    PS: I love the Scully and Mulder skulking scene!

    Like

  2. *Now if this said genius can invent personal portable airconditioners that one could attach to one’s person and move about*
    NAVRATNA TALC HAI NAA

    Like

  3. Rhapsody says:

    Hmm..I can imagine, what you are going through.
    I live in Delhi and I REALLY HATE SUMMERS.
    I love Delhi winters and monsoons but summers…argh!
    We are just 2 weeks into Summers and I’m waiting for the monsoons to arrive.

    Like

  4. Magdalena says:

    Life here on Earth is funny… I live in the North of Sweden (sub-arctic climate), right now suffering through the last parts of a 6 months long, dark winter full of snow, ice and bone-shattering cold and extremely dry air… Did you know that here, the sun doesn’t even rise properly for a couple of months in the middle of winter? It makes people desperately sun-starved and depressed – I’d do anything to swap places with you..!

    Summer is very short (2-2,5 months) and sweet, but it never gets hot. The light is amazing though – for a couple of months the sun basically never sets, and that’s pure magic… Midnight sun, absolutely wonderful!

    Extreme contrasts, na? 🙂

    Like

  5. choxbox says:

    or come and visit us in bengalooru!

    Like

  6. Vidya says:

    Seriously,only one thing to say – can we trade places? I am so sick of that chill in the air and needing a heater at night!

    Like

  7. manisha says:

    so nice reading your post, as sweat streams down my face. haven’t slept two nights in a row since the ac was not working. mumbai temperatures are way above normal right now. that and the humidity make this city a melting pot in the truest sense of the word.

    Like

  8. Gigi says:

    What’s a ganji?!

    Like

  9. manpreet says:

    If thou be so upset in Mumbai, what do we lesser mortals hope for, up north where we face the extremity of weather till you guys send a second hand monsoon?

    Like

  10. Shobana says:

    Portable hand held, battery operated fans is your solution. Some of those even have a water sprayer (like a mist) to keep you cool. Now would that be an alternative to the portable AC? Wow..I didn’t know Mumbai could get that very hot. What BTW is a ganji?

    Like

  11. Kiran Manral says:

    Aathira: Trust you me, this is just the beginnning. 41 degrees C already. Mumbai’s climate has really become a perennial hothouse.

    Itchy: Yup. I can dress like Govinda too na…

    Rhapsody: 🙂 I’m deciding to be a hermit and move to the Himalayas.

    Magdalena: Yup, my aunt who lives in Bodo, Norway, is down for her annual dose of the sun, tells me I dont know how lucky I am, and to zip on the cribbing about the heat…

    Chox: How I would love to…

    Vidya: I hate you. You need a heater at night…????? I’m combusting with all the heat fumes swirling around.

    Manisha: Fellow sufferer….

    Gigi: Vest.

    Manpreet: We are there. We are at 41 degrees Celsius. With 85 % humidity.

    Shobana: Ganji? Banian? Vest. Water spray, when I’m already sweating like a hydrant????

    Like

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