Damn this recession

I have to stop shopping. Which is not a good thing. Because it means that production of important goods like shoes and bags have to be cut down, given that their single largest consumer has withdrawn support, which in turn means that the shoe making elves are sitting tapping on vacant tables with no shoes to keep their hands and minds occupied, which means these elves will be running riot in our streets making mischief and running off with babies, and giving us back changelings.

Gasp.

Yes, I am pretty jobless today. Also blame the recession. I run an advertising agency. And clients are twiddling their thumbs on campaigns and releases and not paying up money owed to us since the time they were infants roaming in diapers, which naturally means we have to now extract our teeth to sell our fillings for chewing gum money. Yes, I had my fillings done in an era when fillings were done of molten silver and a gold tooth was a status symbol. Luckily, recession in childhood ensured that the tooth extracted was never substituted by a gold one up front, it just lay like a vacant plot until the surrounding teeth yawned and stretched themselves a bit, and basically took over the vacant plot. And current recession and terror of dentists will ensure I never open my mouth in prone helpless position in said dentists chair ever again, voluntarily.

The stores are having to let staff go because they no longer need more than one person to handle screaming fat lady running in and gathering clothes to herself, including those that only one half of her body could fit into at a stretch.

You see I held up half the retail economy of the country. When the economists come on CNBC TV 18, extremely prune juice OD faced, and talk about the effect of recession on the retail industry and the declining consumer demand and its effects on jobs, I run and hide in the bathroom. I know they’re talking about me, and accusing me of derailing the burgeoning retail industry with my sudden disinclination to spend appropriate amounts to revive flagging growth rates.

This also means that I can slack off on the new season look. Yup. These are old threads. It means it is currently chic to be last season. And even chic-er (is there even a word?) to be season before last. Which means all the fashion designers can all give up the ghost simultaneously and wind up their baroque ornate stores with three clothes hanging on the shelves, with snooty assistants who treat you like street turd scraped off the shoe going jobless. What glee. Yes, ye at the Gucci showroom at the Grand Hyatt. I may sauntered in with a Linking road kurta and osho chappals, but I was serious about buying one of your bags you know. I changed my mind when you decided you hated me from the time we were in first grade, and were not talking to me.  Now that I’ve got that hurt out of my system, I hope you’re out of a job too. Ye at the Ferragamo showroom, may God make you store manager. Even though I didnt really like any of your bags or shoes enough to pull out the rest of my teeth for.

I am recycling my clothes. Nice dupattas bereft of the suits they were meant for and being turned into scarf tops. The easiest stitching I ever did. I think a career as a professional scarf top designer is the next logical step forward. Then I would need a fancy ornately done shop to house them scarf tops. And then would need to hire a snooty, pinch faced, exquisitely made up salesgirl who would sneer dismissively when I walked in and tried to look interested at the scarf tops on display.

How are you coping with shopping deprivation blues?

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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14 Responses to Damn this recession

  1. looks like the election advertising is going on full swing.. maybe if you do advertising for the politicians, you get to take some of that secret moolah to circulate back in the economy and you get to buy bags and shoes…

    it all might work out after all neh?

    🙂

    Like

  2. Pingback: Topics about Economy » Archive » Damn this recession

  3. Pingback: Topics about Men-clothes » Archive » Damn this recession

  4. Aathira says:

    Argh.. please do not tell me how bad the shopping blues are! I so want to buy some shoes and the prices just ensure I never ever went to a mall the whole of 2009!:(

    I have no self restrain when it comes to shopping!

    Like

  5. Mampi says:

    My summer shopping is shelved, I, too, plan to reuse my pichhli summer ke kapde…
    sob sob sob

    Like

  6. blinkandmiss says:

    Secretly I am liking this hullabaloo about recession and not being able to shop for designer and branded stuff. I mean these evil retailers were fleecing us all along!

    So it’s back to my favourite style of shopping! Flea markets, discounts, bargains – all while slurping on an ice gola and some pani puri. For a mom of a 10 month old in Bangalore with severe constraints on freedom time, it usually means a trip to Arihant plaza at Commerical Street. There is a shop that sells all fake designer bags for 400-500 bucks.

    Good bye fine dining, designer shopping!!

    Like

  7. join a political party! or IPL! God knows there is enuf shopping happening there!

    Like

  8. hitchwriter says:

    the recession is helping me keep wifey in control !!

    now i dont have to give her many reasons… the papers and the news do it enough !

    Like

  9. NainaAshley says:

    I never thought of myself as a shopoholic but the recession has showed me how much I used to shop. Now I’m coping by hitting the clearance racks, sifting through countless tops, pants etc that have been marked down, to finally find the one that fits my size and my wallet. It helps to tell myself that I am actually saving money by buying it at such a great price and stocking up for the day if/when things get worse.

    Like

  10. anamikais says:

    Detailed instructions for the scarf top. Please.

    Like

  11. bhavna says:

    like anamikais….please explain in detail- scarf top. Preferred fabric, cut etc…pretty please. Recession has hit me too!

    Like

  12. childwoman says:

    Hi, sent you an email.

    Like

  13. Kiran Manral says:

    Sundar Narayan:I wish. But think about getting payments on time from politicians! I’d rather stay out of that.

    Aathira: I now only go when a sale is on. Thats the only
    thing I can justify. Buying only on sale.

    Mampi: Here here *hands out tissues*

    Blinkandmiss: Yup out here, its Lokhandwala market and Irla Alfa road. How the mighty have fallen.

    How do we know: IPL preferable to political parties. Na? South Africa. And dishy cricketers thrown in.

    hItchwriter: Are you by any chance discussing this with my husband?

    Naina: Soul sister.

    Bhavna, Anamika: Take really huge scarf. Fold diagonally. Keep enough width for self to get in and stitch two vertical lines down side. Leaving space for arms to get through. Along the fold at the top, in the centre, cut out a small indent enough for head to go through easily and get that rolled in and stitched (beeding). Voila.

    Childwoman: Replied.

    Like

  14. Nishita says:

    What shopping blues … you can’t let go like this. How will the economy run 😀

    But seriously, I buy only on sale, and only when I travel. I also buy only, only if the clothes fit me perfectly (for the weight I am currently, rather than the weight I hope to be)

    Like

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