Random stuff…

I seriously, very seriously, was thinking about quitting blogging a couple of days ago. I had composed out my farewell post, and wrung out enough lachrymal secretions to have done Bollywood proud, and sat at the computer much in the manner of that blonde headed chappie who went “Tis a far better thing I’m doing than I have ever done,” or words to that effect penned by the Dickens chappie. I’m not a woman for detail.

Therefore, why am I inflicting myself on you, dear unsuspecting reader, all over again? Simple. I need to blog. Nowhere else do I get to write random stuff and not get handed in my papers. Well, technically, since I am jobless, this is purely theoretical. 

Like any good performer, I’ve been recycling my material too often for my own comfort. I mean, how long can you go on reading about my weight related angst, my shopping sprees, my food fetishes, etc, etc. Right. Its a wonder I havent had virtual shoes chucked at my head, knocking me virtually senseless. Well, if anyone does decide to do any shoe chucking, make them size six and chocolate brown satin pumps. Saw them yesterday at a sale, and positively melted into an unseemly puddle of wanting and needing, not rivalled by the unseemly puddle of wanting and needing, brought on by Brad Pitt in some movie where he has insanely long hair and goes butt naked.  Therefore, shoe chucking should kindly be reserved for those with size six feet and good taste in shoes.

The tragedy is that there is a lot happening in life, which is completely off blog limits. As you all might know and realise, I keep a vanilla clean blog. Therefore, there’s volcanoes erupting all around me, and all I do is come out here and write about rolling elysian fields and such like.

Heartbreaking, isnt it? But I’m a woman of resolve as firm as newly set jelly, therefore I will stick to the rules I set for myself when I started blogging. Aka, no bitching. I’ll do all my bitching in person, thank you very much.

Went for a wedding this Saturday with the mater. Actually, as the mater’s escort service, given that this was her best friend in the whole wide world’s son’s  wedding and there was no chance of her making it on her own through Saturday night traffic and emerging unshaken and unstirred.  I got appropriately togged out. Read, I wore shiny shoes, applied some eyeshadow and blush on that promptly dissolved in the flood of oil that keeps emanating from geyser like pores, needing me to keep slapping on more, which finally ended at a point where I could have walked down the Mardi Gras parade and have folks compliment me for my authentic clown mask make up.

The mother was in a simple silk sari, face powdered with talcum powder and hair in a bun looking effortlessly graceful like only mothers can look.

We reached the venue, which was the banqueting hall of a five star hotel. Now this was a Catholic wedding. Therefore, like all good Catholic weddings, we opened the imposing doors of the banqueting hall to confront rows and rows and tables of imposing emptiness. I did a double check and peered with squinty eyes at the watch. 8.15pm. The invite stated, clearly, in cursive font printed on gold, with totally unnecessary flourishes, 7.30 pm, did it not, I questioned the mother in tones that the inquisitors might have used on their hapless captors. I hate being late. To start with. And then to reach late and realise that you are actually early is a double whammy I couldnt stomach. So we sat and waited and waited. And I touched up my face yet again, until my powder compact threatened to hand in its resignation. And the first guests drifted in, and the hosts drifted in. Much cheek kissing happened. The bridal couple drifted in. My mother gasped loudly and audibly. The bride was wearing a strapless contraption she was pulling up every couple of seconds to spare us a wardrobe malfunction situation. And this strapless contraption, was, blasphemy, in black. I sprinkled some water on the mater. She sputtered back to consciousness and gasped out, “The bride is wearing black!!!! How could she?” I begged her to hold her peace, since the man in question for whom the black deemed inauspiciousness seemed to be in no such sputtering anger mode and was going around pretty chuffed with himself pumping innumerable hands and pocketing envelopes of cash.

And then came the interminable wait through toasts and wedding march and such like for something edible to be served. And when it did come it was all cooked animal pieces on little toothpicks. Aaarghhhh…and the containers which would contain the dinner promised for braving the traffic were showing no signs of being filled with anything edible. 10.30 pm. I dragged the reluctant mater out, braved Saturday night traffic, reached home and foraged in the refrigerator for leftovers.

I’m still regretting the cash I placed in said envelope.

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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19 Responses to Random stuff…

  1. Kiran Manral says:

    Violet: Hey, done this one on karmickids….http://karmickids.blogspot.com/2009/04/around-world-in-80-clicks.html. Thanks for tagging me nonetheless….

    Like

  2. Shivani says:

    Hey Kiran, I’m a regular reader (rather ‘follower’, if in-lingo is to be employed) though I don’t comment that often. I hope hard that you weren’t serious when you said that you plan to stop blogging 🙂

    Hope everything is fine at home. Keeping my fingers tightly crossed for an unending spate of blogsposts from you, lady!

    Like

  3. Sue says:

    Aww… there, there…

    Black for a wedding is so not on in my books. Not if you’re inviting the old-timers. BTW, I’ve always wanted to see a pic of your mum.

    Like

  4. Iya says:

    hey, guess this is my second time on ur blog..the first was to curse some actor (or am i getting confused???)
    thought will stop by and say hi, so Hi!!!
    also, liked your writting style, breezy and easy to read..
    cheers!!

    Like

  5. momstir says:

    Please don’t stop blogging. Love reading you

    Like

  6. Violet says:

    Oh.. So you have another blog too. Thanks, now I shall have more to keep me busy during the long office hours 🙂

    Like

  7. shilpadesh says:

    I am a regular reader. Please do not stop blogging!!

    Like

  8. vidya says:

    awww!!! Please dont stop blogging!!! I love your writing!

    Like

  9. Vijaya says:

    Please Please do not stop blogging! I am a lurker delurking to tell you that! Enjoy your writing immensely!

    Like

  10. Gigi says:

    Kiran,
    Keep writing, you will find inspiration. I feel for you! Living abroad though means little or no options for veggie hors d’œuvres in weddings. But in the last 10 years most weddings I’ve attended (Catholic, Protestant and Jewish) asked if attendes were vegetarian in the RSVP cards. So I’m grateful.
    I do eat before these weddings though because you literally get ghaas poos 😉

    Like

  11. Dottie says:

    dude, don’t wven talk about quitting. I’ll die because of severe Vit-L(aughter) deficiency. you are the mostest talented writer on the planet. ok? ok? hope those volcanoes stop erupting and soon.

    Like

  12. Kiran Manral says:

    Shivani: I was pretty serious dear, then I realised I have nothing much to do with my time, being unemployed so I might as well continue… 😉

    Sue: You agree dont you, black is so not on for a wedding, especially one’s own….

    Iya: Yup, that was right here. Do keep dropping by and thanks.

    Momstir: 🙂 Wont.

    Violet: Yenjoy.But bewarned, Karmickids is only if you like kids.

    Shilpa, Vidya: :)I wont.

    Vijaya: How sweet, do keep delurking and commenting…

    Gigi: Thats a sensible option, to eat before the wedding. In India, though given that number of people are vegetarian, I would have assumed they would consider that in their menus…

    Dottie: Ah all that ego massaging felt good.

    Like

  13. Kiran, please don’t stop writing. I love reading your posts; they are so full of humor 🙂
    Me too had been to a catholic wedding with my mater this Sunday; her close friend’s daughter’s wedding. Took my daughter along and she loved the whole experience. Now, she wants to get married at the earliest in a church!

    Like

  14. Broom says:

    I’m glad you’re not quitting.

    Like

  15. Just someone says:

    Yup! Glad to note you are not quitting; you write well and all posts are interesting reads:)

    A lurker delurking,

    Like

  16. come on lady k – have a heart.. dont leave us dangling 🙂
    and i’ve reached a stage where i dont care for such convention anymore. this is the bride’s big day and if she wants to wear black – more power to her. quite sick of traditions that are more of a burden than anything else. dont get me wrong – i wore virginal white 😀 but i can understand someone wanting to break those traditions and do as they please

    Like

  17. Kiran Manral says:

    Collection of Stars: It is pretty fascinating isnt it, the song and dance, and the walking up the aisle. If only they served food in time, without guests keeling over from hunger, Catholic/Christian weddings would be great fun.

    Broom: I’m glad too.

    Just someone: Thankee for delurking…keep coming back and commenting.

    The mad momma: Awww. You know I wouldnt really care either way, but for the fact that black is a colour associated with mourning in this religion. Plenty of other colours in the spectrum to pick…

    Like

  18. Abha says:

    😀

    well nuff said aboit ypu quitting! you arent! so alls well on that end! :p

    in bangalore everything closes down by 11 so you really cant bother being fashionably ()??!!) late because thats a surefire way of going back home hungry!

    cheers!

    Like

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