You are not married…

… in the true sense of the term until you have bought furniture together.

So the sofa we had bought in haste one and a half years ago, when we moved into the new house has already been showing desperate signs of wear and tear.Β  Add to this, the child has been speeding along the wear and tear process by occasional random peeling and tearing of said leather, leading to a situation where we either need to restore or replace said sofa immediately or lead to a situation where guests drop in coins at the urli kept on display on my sideboard.

Therefore the husband, the elderly relative, the spawn of the womb and yours truly landed up at the furniture shop which had advertised a 40 per cent sale.

The first thought when one looked at the sheer size of all the sofas on display was I need to break down walls and the door to get these into the house. The second thought was lets leave now.

The spouse was firm and unrecalcitrant and set about examining said sofas with a great deal of interest that didnt shake or get vaguely unruffled even when price tags leading to figures that could probably buy a house in a far flung suburb where displayed. Yours truly of course had to injudiciously act disapproving and find fault where there was none, in order to dissuade the man from spending enough to put the child through college merely to have him loll on the said sofa till he reached there.

Engraved. Brocade upholstery. Sequins. And such like horrific stuff. And the man fell in love with a maroon and silver mock croc print patent leather square shaped monstrosity which I promptly could veto happily because I would need to airlift it to the balcony, demolish all glass panes and then get it into the house.

We skulked around in opposite directions of the huge showroom. The child tripped along happily whining about the Siderman bed and the Spiderman cupboard and the Spiderman desk he had to have, never mind if he doesnt have a room to himself yet. The mater stumbled along and sank down into the convenient sofas at regular intervals to rest her weary feet, occasionally piping up in favour of chaise lounges for obvious reasons.

Finally we reached the top floor and there was no further to go. I, with the uncanny knack women have to find something pretty, zeroed in on a perfectly charming engraved rattan and carved wood sofa set and dining table combine that had my name emblazoned all over it.

The man skulked around in a corner and sat on something, adjusting levers and having his feet go up and his body wobbling to some unheard drummer. He called for me. I went to investigate the need for the war cry.

Recliners. Them ugly things. Which give you a massage when required. Which sit around looking comfortable and inviting and lead to power struggles in the room over whom the primary ownership of said item of furniture belongs to. Yup. Them. Five of them. In lieu of the sofa.

Someone remind me of all the nice things I said about him in the previous posts before I consult that lawyer about grounds of incompatibility.


About Kiran Manral

Kiran Manral published her first book, The Reluctant Detective in 2011. Since then, she has published eight books across genres till date. Her books include romance and chicklit with Once Upon A Crush (2014), All Aboard (2015), Saving Maya (2017); horror with The Face at the Window (2016) and nonfiction with Karmic Kids (2015), A Boy’s Guide to Growing Up (2016) and True Love Stories (2017). Her short stories have been published on Juggernaut, in magazines like Verve and Cosmopolitan, and have been part of anthologies like Chicken Soup for the Soul, Have a Safe Journey (2017) and Boo (2017). Her articles and columns have appeared in the Times of India, Tehelka, DNA, Yowoto, Shethepeople, New Woman, Femina, Verve, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Conde Nast Traveller, DB Post, The Telegraph, the Asian Age, iDiva, TheDailyO and more. She was shortlisted for the Femina Women Awards 2017 for Literary Contribution. She is a TEDx speaker and a mentor with Vital Voices Global Mentoring Walk 2017.
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19 Responses to You are not married…

  1. Priyanka says:

    FIVE of them? In the living room? Oh, Kiran.. Am sorry, truly, sorry. Remember, every guy has to do something that makes you want to kill him – just so that the next time he does something thoughtful, you appreciate him that many times more πŸ˜‰
    Read through all the beautiful posts you wrote about him, imagine the next few years where you can buy whatever you want (not limiting to furniture) while sighing deeply that he got whatever he wanted and now its your time πŸ˜‰ I mean, five recliners! Enough for the next couple of years of shopping, methinks πŸ˜‰


  2. Gauri says:

    ooooooooooooo that’s my dream Kiran and I keep telling myself that someday we’ll be able to furnish an apartment the way we want it – not the way it is let out for rent !!

    Five recliners !!! Yikes !!! Oh God !!


  3. aneela says:

    five recliners sounds mighty fine…that is if you are goldilocks and the three bears


  4. Gauri says:

    Oops – by saying my dream – I meant the “charming engraved rattan and carved wood sofa set” and not the recliners !!

    Just realised that I’d not been clear enuff earlier πŸ™‚


  5. Aathira says:

    Oh my…5!

    I am just imagining guests coming, plopping down and wooosh the feet fly up when levers are adjusted in unison!

    Well… I guess now you can start making a wish list!;)


  6. Saya says:

    lol.. i really laughed out loud when i read the last paragraph.. lol


  7. Meira says:

    I truly, truly admire your patience and magnanimity πŸ˜€
    5 of them…tee hee hee.
    Awesome blog, I repeat.


  8. Psssst… I know how you can disable the lever that makes a recliner work. I had to resort to that in order to pry my sweetest one off that aging piece of ugly furniture in our living room. Sneaky ha?

    You poor poor thing. My sympathies.


  9. You mean you really bought 5 recliners??? *Gasp***


  10. momstir says:

    Kiran, We are going furniture shopping this evening. Thanks for exactly predicting how the trip will turn out. Straight down to the recliner detail. We’re been going our ways with rattan and recliner for months now and poor guests at our place have sunk into the recesses of our current sofa. When I hear odd noises at night, I check to see if someone is still stuck into our sofa.


  11. Kiran Manral says:

    Priyanka: You honestly think I am not going to put up a fight over this…nope, they have not entered the home…

    Aathira: We are three greylocks and one baby bear…

    Gauri: Sistah!!!

    Aathira: One might be allowed to darken my door, not five.

    Saya: πŸ™‚

    Meira: No, no, I throw magnificent tantrums I dont write about.

    AnotherKiran: I might just have to ask you for the strategy on doing that!

    CA: No, dear, we are as we speak, at an impasse.

    Momstir: All the best, sistah!


  12. monikamanchanda says:

    ha ha thats the soul reason i still have old furniture in my hall… its been 4 yrs we have moved in our house but every time we go he insists on buying only recliners… even the 3-seater ones

    whats with guys and recliners


  13. Smitha says:

    Oh recliners!! If there is any piece of furniture that I hate – its recliners!! Husband has one and its almost like he has been welded to it!!! And they are ugly to boot!

    Loved the post πŸ™‚


  14. When I first walked into K’s apartment, needless to say, all he had was 1 recliner and 1 TV. Both of which he refused to part with. The monstrous recliner still lingers in our house and is brought into service on a hot summer day, right under the ceiling fan.


  15. Suki says:

    If they’re insanely comfy and give me a massage… aesthetics be DAMNED! πŸ˜€
    (Not sure I’d say that if I’d spent years planning the decor of my home, though)


  16. Kiran Manral says:

    Monika, Smitha: Yes, my sentiments precisely. What is it about men and these bleddy recliners..

    Clueless chick: We need a room for these men to decorate and leave the rest of the house for us.

    Suki: You’re lucky I like you.


  17. Mampi says:

    I guess all your 206 bones are funny bones. I want to leave comments on every single post of yours but I won’t. For every single post is fantastic in its own way. Heading to older posts that i missed for all these days when i was away.


  18. Nishita says:

    Hahaha…this strikes soo close to home.

    My hubby loves recliners too. He is just waiting for us to finish building our home before he can pop over to Stanley’s and get one of those overpriced leather (yes, can you imagine the horror! and that too with this weather) recliners (Lazyboy is what it is called, I think)…

    Me just hoping that by the time the house is complete, he has forgotten this obsession of his…


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