I am a coward

I finally finally dared to take an appointment with an opthalmologist for last  evening. After seven years. Yes, yes, dont ask. The opthalmologist to me is the equivalent of the dentist to most. I am squeamish about them eyes. Also helps that I am half blind and must pat the bedside table blindly for them spectacles every morning before I can greet the day. I love to live in the delusion that no, the eyes are now stable. The power has settled and will not migrate in any such direction and the contact lenses can be continued on indefinitely without needing to be changed. Yes, I am that delusional.

But then strange things began happening. I began squinting at fine print. I began holding items at supermarkets at varying distances in order to figure out costs. I once misread a face cream for being 3 hundred something which when billed turned out to be 800 something. Naturally, I returned home and booked said appointment with eye specialist without further delay.

Like I prefer to deal with doctor’s appointments, I went on my own. Not a good idea. The medieval torture chamber? Blasts of air into your eyes to measure something. Drops to dilate your pupils resulting in a situation when you finally open your eyes all you can see is a fairytale realm you’ve been teleported to with lights shining all around in warm fuzzy glowing balls, and the eye specialist seeming like the dim hazy alien aboard the mothership strapping you down for experiment conducting purpose. You must remember that without them spectacles I am half blind anyway. A face which is not at the tip of my nose is unclear in regular times, with eyes dilated I walked the careful heavy walk of one who couldnt really figure out where her foot was landing. As I entered the building elderly personages flitting in and out of the lobby shrivelled me with stern disapproving stares for daring to be swaying drunk before the sun had even set.

The conclusion of said check up, a stern finger wagging and polite lecture about the ridiculous years of a gap between eye check ups.  The ideal is once a year said the doctor, not once a decade. I squirmed in apology on the chair. The number strangely enough has reduced itself. So here I am squinting through spectacles and contact lenses of a higher power than the one I require. And I left with a song in my heart about the possibility of waking up and not being as blind as a bat with the wonderful new revolutionary technology called Lasik which ofcourse has been around for yonks, but scaredy cat me has been looking every which way but an eye doctor’s clinic to gather the courage to get done.

Am lathering on the sob story to the husband to convince him to fund the process. God willing and the good wishes of you, dear reader, I will find myself at the eye specialist for a record twice in a single year and get said surgery done within the month.

Now if only the image of something attacking my cornea with a light saber can be dismissed easily…


About Kiran Manral

Kiran Manral published her first book, The Reluctant Detective in 2011. Since then, she has published nine books across genres till date. Her books include romance and chicklit with Once Upon A Crush (2014), All Aboard (2015), Saving Maya (2017); horror with The Face at the Window (2016), psychological thriller with Missing, Presumed Dead (2018) and nonfiction with Karmic Kids (2015), A Boy’s Guide to Growing Up (2016) and True Love Stories (2017). Her short stories have been published on Juggernaut, in magazines like Verve and Cosmopolitan, and have been part of anthologies like Chicken Soup for the Soul, Have a Safe Journey (2017) and Boo (2017). Her articles and columns have appeared in the Times of India, Tehelka, DNA, Yowoto, Shethepeople, New Woman, Femina, Verve, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Conde Nast Traveller, DB Post, The Telegraph, the Asian Age, iDiva, TheDailyO and more. She was shortlisted for the Femina Women Awards 2017 for Literary Contribution. In 2018, she was awarded the International Women's Day award for literary excellence by ICUNR and Ministry of Women and Children, Government of India. She is a TEDx speaker and a mentor with Vital Voices Global Mentoring Walk 2017.
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22 Responses to I am a coward

  1. Broom says:

    Kiran, I think this is why you think you’re fat. You’re clearly (pun unintended) seeing double.


  2. Cee Kay says:

    LOL @ Broom 😛


  3. monikamanchanda says:

    but why so scared of the poor eye doctor?

    all the best for the surgery


  4. Suki says:

    LMAO @Broom!

    By all the laws of bad puns, this post title should read “Eye am a coward”.
    There, my quota of PJs before noon is over.

    Get the Lasik done. Tempt husband with fact that no more spectacles and contacts will need paying for, ever again.


  5. Suni says:

    just gather up courage and get it done with Kiran…am sure its worth it…good luck with the surgery! 🙂


  6. Gauri says:

    I so totally second what Broom has said :DDD Now I know – all those imaginary abs and thunder thighs and whatever else it is that you were talking about …… all because you delayed your appt with the good eye doc :D.

    All the best with the Lasik – I know of lots of ppl who’ve got it done – with great results.


  7. sympathise, totally. i’d rather get three root canals done than have air blown into my eyes! good luck with the surgery.


  8. Ron says:

    I hear you! I too have terribly high power -11. And I have this phobia of ophthalmologists. All my life they have been predicting impending blindness and what not. I detest going for a check up and literally break out in a cold sweat everytime I have to sit on that dreaful chair. Can’t tell you how awed I am by the fact that you went for a check up on your own!! Even more awed by your decision to go for the Lasik surgery. Im too chicken to consider surgery and am happy to stick to contacts. Maybe you can give me some encouragement 😦


  9. babiesanon says:

    Oh am so with you. I am also delusional abou my power. Have been wantingt o get LASIK done for years, have finally managed to get husband’s approval – but – have been in various stages of reproduction/weaning etc for the last 5 years.

    This time. For sure, before I turn 32.


  10. get it done get it done 🙂


  11. B o o. says:

    Ditto Poppy! I want to get it done too. but in my household both hubby and I need it. so we are egging each other to get it done first. We are very selfless that way! 😉
    Kiran – Good luck. You give hope to this coward.
    Broom – Good one! 🙂


  12. iz says:

    I love it! Thoroughly enjoyed this post!


  13. aarabi says:

    interesting – that you could make out the stern glances of the elderly when you couldn’t walk without wobbling 😉

    chill about the lasik. i had it done last year and it’s really no sweat. it’s all cool.


  14. Mampi says:

    So what is the verdict,
    is thee going for a Lasik or not?


  15. roopie says:

    On the occasion of Parul’s book being published, may I dare ask you about your book, K?

    -awaiting eagerly
    a writer-wannabe who madly admires ya


  16. Shobana says:

    Good one Broom!

    I got mine done 5yrs back…it was for the best. One week post Lasik and u should be alright! Good luck.


  17. Sands says:

    Got mine done about 5-6 years back and was the best thing I spent my money one. It is so amazing to be able to see without those ugly glasses and be able to swim anytime without the fear of having them fall off. And the pleasure of being able to see road signs from a distance – aaah! Go for it Kiran. Good luck!!


  18. Kiran Manral says:

    Broom: I see double thats why the jeans dont button up and the arms refuse to go beyond the elbows in me saree blouses, right. 😉

    Cee, Aathira: 🙂

    Monika: Thanks.

    Suki: The man is funny. He will unstintingly shell out for a Longines or a diamond set or such like. For this he’s being ridiculously tight fisted. I think he’s not convinced.

    Suni: Courage and the financier…

    Gauri: YOu know Im going to try and believe Broom’s interpretation when buttons pop off my jeans…

    Magicalsummer: 🙂

    Ron: Behena!!!! You know the fear…no one else understands why the eye specialist freaks me out. I sit through a root canal with no issues. But the eye specialist….

    babiesanon: DO it Poppy. Life is too short to keep struggling with contact lenses.

    Aniruddha Pathak: Yup I am. Soon.

    Boo: I wish I could have that issue with the spouse. This man has bleddy perfect vision.

    Iz: Nice to see you here. I enjoy your blog, though I dont think Ive commented recently. Keep dropping by.

    Aarabi: Give a girl some creative license! Cool. Thats one more tick for it.

    Mampi: I am. I have to pass the hat around for the funds since the husband seems reluctant.

    Roopie: Too much pressure yaar, this Parul girl has put on moi…LOL. Having said that, I have no discipline to sit and write one. Maybe if I get an offer from a publishing house I might be compelled to sit and write. I need someone pushing me. My posts are all five minute works. Anything longer and I get bored.

    Shobana, Sands: You give me hope. I have myself not heard any first hand horror stories yet…this reinforces my decision.


  19. dipali says:

    Go ahead and maybe I’ll get motivated too:)
    Soon after our wedding many decades ago, I mooted the idea of getting contact lenses, and for once hubby and my mom piped up in unison and in total agreement, “now that you’re married why do you need lenses?”
    Broom- that was brilliant.


  20. Kiran Manral says:

    Dipali: LOL. Same here. The man wonders whats my need to go in for surgery now in my dotage…


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