Of medical tests and such like

I am convinced there is a conspiracy out there to draw out all the blood from the members of the Manral family, and have vile blood drinking rituals. Yes, its them simple, sober looking women in lab overcoats, supervised by stern and forbidding looking doctors who supervise the proceedings who are indulging in these heinous acts or perhaps drawing enough supplies to power a jet plane given the way fuel prices are going in this century. In the past two weeks, the child and the spouse have given in toto, enough blood ostensibly for testing, but in reality, and I know it, for a blood bank being created so that aliens from Mars can come down to earth and replicate our DNA and take over our bodies and such like.

Yes. I have also been watching a lot of thrillers over the weekend. Rainy days do this to me. The husband was dragged for his tests on Saturday. He insisted he would go alone and tried to shake me off his foot as I hung on, determined to accompany him. I achieved my goal by some nifty biting of trouser leg and clawing in of nails into denim, ensuring that if he threw me off he would be stripped of trouser in public situation. ECG, the good doc had said. And sonography of abdomen. (Anyone else married to man like mine, who forgets to mention chest pains and sweats, and fainting spells and abdomen aches for months, and only decides to go public when he almost passes out in the loo? Yup. Shall we hire goons for collective bopping on the head for sheer insane negligence. Yup, I thought so. We might get cut price on hire charges too!).  There was I sitting in the waiting room while the good man I married and promised to be by the side of in sickness and in health, clutched his tummy, and was ushered in to be gelled up and electrode strapped and heart beat monitored. I chewed off my nails and spat them discretely into my handkerchief. He emerged by the time I’d reached my knuckles. He barely sat down when they ushered him inside for the ultrasound of the abdomen. He had been asked to overdose on the water to get the bladder full. It was a cold rainy day. The airconditioning in the laboratory was on at full blast. It was not an enviable situation to be in. Much crossing and uncrossing of legs was happening. I mentioned about how the last months of pregnancy were exactly the way he was feeling. I dont think it was an opportune moment to try to lighten the situation. I also mentioned that he would have to get a grip on his inherrent distate of gels and creams being applied to skin. He mentioned it might aggravate the need to hit the washroom or the nearest available deserted wall.

I am a veteran of all sorts of medical tests. I have been scanned, xrayed, probed, poked and such like so often that I am immune to it all now. The husband is still a novice. He needed me around for support I told myself. It didnt help that I jumped on the ECG technician’s back as soon as she emerged out of the room with a strip of readings in her hand yelling loudly, “Show it to me, show it to me.” Yup. I’m also an expert at reading tests and reports. Thankfully, the ECG was normal. Blood tests are normal. (Some alien on Mars is probably injecting himself with the supply as we speak, preparing for a hostile landing on earth and take me to your leader situation). The right kidney is swollen and blocked. Which means we go in for more tests today. And I will accompany the man, no matter how keenly he assures me that he is perfectly able to go get tested on his own. And how he insists I sit at home and supervise the child rather than let the child go haywire on two hours of extra unsupervised television time. Me thinks going for tests with paranoid wife doing prayer beads in the corner of the waiting room is not exactly consonant with macho man image. Okay, I think I will slink in and pretend not to be accompanying him. And not accost the technician for the results immediately, or else, with a concealed under the handkerchief penknife.

Edited to add: Hey Ron, good meeting you. Sorry about my distractedness, I was all caught up with kidney reports and such worst case scenarios.

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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15 Responses to Of medical tests and such like

  1. Poppy says:

    Oh the no. What does that mean kidney blocked? I hope it’s fine, thank god EKG and all important sounding things are fine.

    Like

  2. kenny says:

    i know that macho man types… 😦
    (we have been arguing for days regarding a full physical)

    take care you guys

    Like

  3. Serendipity says:

    Take care and God Bless….

    Like

  4. Poppy says:

    Did I say EKG? Yikes. I meant ECG

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  5. I am so sorry that you have to deal with a stubborn husband who is so hard to drag to the doctor’s office! I feel your pain, been there and done that.

    The important thing is that you got him there and a diagnosis is imminent. That is the biggest healthcare battle won. Modern medicine is so wonderous that once a diagnosis is made, the rest is just cake.

    Meanwhile go get a nice hand massage and manicure to fix those chewed to the knuckle fingers. You have had a hard time these past few weeks.

    Keep us updated!

    Like

  6. Chips says:

    You’ve had quite a rough month, Kiran. Hope the blockage can be sorted out easily. You can do with both your men being fighting fit! Take Care.

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  7. M says:

    Ouch…Hope he feels better soon – is the kidney thing a stone or an infection?
    Not trying to scare you, nor am I a doctor, but passing on unfortunate knowledge gained from similar situations with family members and myself – Once he’s off whatever meds he’s given for the kidney problem, I’d push him to do a stress test.

    M

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  8. Gigi says:

    All the best for the tests, hope they all come out negative and things heal soon!

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  9. thetaamommy says:

    My prayers are with you and your family !!

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  10. Kiran Manral says:

    kbpm: I’m gonna ask for that group discount I am.

    Serendipity: Thank you.

    Poppy: It means more tests have to be done. 😦

    AnotherKiraninNYC: Words that make sense, a manicure, pedicure and facial are sooooo overdue.

    Chips: True. Thanks.

    M: Oh, he doesnt know it yet, but he’s going for a full body check up once this is dealt with even if I have to get him there with a cattle prod.

    gigi: Thank you.

    thetaamommy: Thank you. Need them.

    Like

  11. Andy says:

    Hi, Hope he is feeling better!! Gud luck to u both.

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  12. hey hope both the guys get well soon 🙂

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  13. Ron says:

    I just commented on your other blog 🙂

    Very nice to meet you unexpectedly like that, really is a small world. Am sorry I ran off like that, had to get to the hospital quickly, and Mom tends to get a little hyper. Hows your husband now? Praying for his quick recovery. Also praying for Krish’s health…hope he doesnt fall ill again.

    Ill be back again in Mumbai on the 15th August weekend, lets try and chat for more than 20 seconds this time, what say ? 🙂

    Like

  14. Kiran Manral says:

    Andy, Aniruddha Pathak: Thanks, they both are well now.

    Ron: Definitely will do. I’m in the next wing, give me a holler when you land.

    Like

  15. kedar says:

    wonder how people put up with tests.

    sometime back, when i was at a hospital for an office-sponsored poke-and-probe, i heard someone yelling at the ultrasound technician because he mentioned in her husband’s report that his appendix was fine when in fact her husband had it removed years ago.

    Like

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