Why I am a whale:

Got this forward today and loved it, therefore thought it merited being posted up:

Recently, in large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said: ¨THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE? ¨ A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans).. They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don’t have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a piece of chocolate with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ¨Good gosh, look how smart.”

Edited to add: Here’s to all my smart friends out there… Salut!

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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18 Responses to Why I am a whale:

  1. Bhavna says:

    And 3 cheers to that! Its ok to stroggle with a roll of fat here and there and some jiggly/ wooblies -but I still dont wanna be calld a whale..what to do?

    Like

  2. Ron says:

    Im so incredibly smart no? I mean just look at my girth..all that extra intellegence just had to be accomodated somewhere 😀

    Like

  3. mummyjaan says:

    Love it :D!

    Proud to be a whale – and a blue whale at that lol!

    Like

  4. Priyanka says:

    The media is so full of it – a cornflakes ad even has a kid praising her mother as she lost weight. What, now kids want skinny mothers?? At least one article every weekend in one of the leading newspapers’ weekend edition. Its becoming ingrained in us. I mean, even if we know in our heads that our size doesn’t matter, we still feel guilty eating an double scoop ice cream. I know, I do! Wish I was born in the 50s and 60s when curves were in!!

    Like

  5. WHy I will date a whale and not a mermaid
    – Whales don’t chase perfection, but try to perfect whatever they do or have
    – Whales have an active social-life, which means I will given my space from time to time
    – Whales are low-maintainnence
    – Whales, unlike mermaids are not self-obsessed
    – Whales are not confused about their identity
    – dating a whale is like dating the awesome girl-next-door while dating a mermaid is like falling in love with Deepika Padukone or Katrina Kaif.
    – Mermaids don’t exist. Period

    Somehow, reminds me of Sunscreen song by Bazz Luhrmann

    Like

    • Kiran Manral says:

      The White Phoenix: You sensible person. Wish that there were more like you around. Unfortunately most men seem to be chasing mermaids.

      Like

  6. Rani says:

    Wow!! nice post.. and yes ma’am, you and I are very smart 🙂

    Like

  7. I was going a little cheering routine in my head the first time I read this! I’m a water-baby, I have layers of blubber for insulation and I’ve given birth to two rather cute calves…I so am a whale 🙂

    Like

  8. Gigi says:

    Mermaids don’t exist! Loved the argument 🙂

    Like

  9. dipali says:

    Cheers to all us whales:)

    Like

  10. seeseebeehomestead says:

    hi fi’s to all the whales in the world. love this post.

    BTW, whales are such spectacular creatures. In our corner of the world we go whale watching every summer . They are so majestic and graceful. I wish I can dive like whales.

    -CS (desi whale from oregon :))

    Like

  11. Kiran Manral says:

    CS: How lovely must that be to watch firsthand!!!! You lucky thing…

    Like

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