It has been one of those weeks…

Did I mention that I dont have a cook and a maid? I did? Did I repeat it ad infinitum, ad nauseam so that you absolutely totally and completely grabbed the horrific implications of the same. Let me complicate matters by expolating on the topic. We are a household of five adults and one child. Of the five adults, two are chauvinistic men types who do not do housework as it is below their dignity and they have been raised to be the men of the house who donot do any housework. Of the remaining three adults, one is the mater in law, who does do a fair deal but given that this is Navratri, has been tied up with Mata ki Chowkis every single day. Therefore. I have been primarily designated cook on the premises. Reconcile this fact with the fact that I hate cooking with a passion lesser mortals reserve for tasks like taking out the garbage and cleaning the washrooms. I would take out garbage and clean washrooms rather than cook. Therefore it was with much reluctance that I took on the mantle. Add to this was the fact that I was also doing the navratri fast for all the eight days. Which made me hungrier than usual and therefore not at my optimum level of concentration as required for cooking, given that I am, on an average day, quite capable of adding salt into an innocent dal twice, making it lethal at first taste. And then compound this situation by me being at ferocious starvation levels by evening and needing to eat my cooking. (Now you know the true secret of the 3 kilos weightloss in a single month!!).

Naturally, I have been in a mood so foul that the husband prefers to bury himself into eminently boring books on day trading rather than risk a knife being flung at him if he gets me at a wrong moment. The child has also learnt to tip toe around me and eat his meals silently, without fuss if he needs to survive.

We have our society navratri function tomorrow. The evening will see a Mata Ki Chowki, followed by dandiya and dinner. It is strange how I, a totally non religious, non ritualistic person have gotten suckered into keeping the navratri fasts by the husband, who does keep them every year, and appealed to my vanity by claiming (rightly so in retrospect) that it would help me knock off them kilos quickly. And he threw in some baloney about willpower etc, which I felt compelled to disprove, given that he did so with a sardonic comment about my lack of, and such like. Therefore the fasting. Therefore the hallucinations about Chicken Tandooris laid out end to end down an entire road just begging to be eaten in one sitting. Therefore controlling the irresistable urge to run to the fridge and fry meself an egg just to get animal protein into the system. But I am delighted to say I have stood firm. I have resisted all temptation. I have shunned all edible animals with a firmness that doesnt augur well for my cellulite. I so deserve a new bag and shoes for my efforts. LV monogram canvas Alma, here come to mamma. And I have planned out my next week with back to back buffet lunches to make up for my eight days of torture and deprivation. I cannot bear to eat more of my own cooking. Maybe I should open a restaurant for weight watchers and hire myself as chief chef. Food so terrible that you would rather stay hungry. Now that’s a plan!


About Kiran Manral

Kiran Manral published her first book, The Reluctant Detective in 2011. Since then, she has published eight books across genres till date. Her books include romance and chicklit with Once Upon A Crush (2014), All Aboard (2015), Saving Maya (2017); horror with The Face at the Window (2016) and nonfiction with Karmic Kids (2015), A Boy’s Guide to Growing Up (2016) and True Love Stories (2017). Her short stories have been published on Juggernaut, in magazines like Verve and Cosmopolitan, and have been part of anthologies like Chicken Soup for the Soul, Have a Safe Journey (2017) and Boo (2017). Her articles and columns have appeared in the Times of India, Tehelka, DNA, Yowoto, Shethepeople, New Woman, Femina, Verve, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Conde Nast Traveller, DB Post, The Telegraph, the Asian Age, iDiva, TheDailyO and more. She was shortlisted for the Femina Women Awards 2017 for Literary Contribution. She is a TEDx speaker and a mentor with Vital Voices Global Mentoring Walk 2017.
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11 Responses to It has been one of those weeks…

  1. Ron says:

    I hear you sistah. I was maidless cookless for a loooong time. I did lose a lot of weight though, so in retrospect it was all good. I am, however,on a diet now ( now of all times…during Durga Puja!! Idiocy thy name is Ron) and am having this regular vision of a large chocolate covered cream filled donut dancing the Macarena in front of me. Sometimes the donut is replaced by a huge roshogolla ( what? I AM Bong after all) that says WHEEEEE and dances around. Its traumatic I tell you. *breaks down and cries*


  2. Meira says:

    I’l apply for the post of Assistant Chef for your restaurant! I can whip up food-that-makes-people-want-to-run too. Brisk business, I’m sure!(At least as long as my MIL keeps feeding her sons dosas dipped in ghee!)


  3. Rani says:

    u just make me laugh!!

    happy navratri πŸ™‚


  4. Shruti says:

    I can never fast!! Kudos to you!!!!
    And have fun at all the buffets πŸ™‚


  5. Serendipity says:

    Happy Navratri…. πŸ™‚


  6. NainaAshley says:

    Kudos to you for cooking while fasting! You definitely need those buffets now.


  7. Kiran Manral says:

    Naina: I sure do!! HOw have you been?


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