And so the maids didn’t turn up….

And I am frothing at the mouth. Frothing would be an understatement. Make that rolling on the ground and thrashing furiously in helpless rage and frustration. I am in the kind of situation where your train gets stuck between stations and you’re wedged between smelly armpits and bony elbows. You cant get off and walk and nor can you bear the wait. You know.

I did a hopping on the floor kind of Rumpelstiltskin tantrum this morning when the hands of the clock raced to 7.45, and leaving home time was 8 am. Nothing was done. I’d been lazing around placidly under the assumption that said cook and said maid would ring the doorbell at 7.30 am as was their norm, and as promised via telephonic call yesterday evening. I woke up in the morning at ease. Snoozed in for ten minutes extra.

Stretched langourously. Thought about what a beautiful day it was. Kissed the sleeping child snoring mouth open drool down the side of his cheek foot placed in proprietoral fashion over my stomach. Rolled around aimlessly on the bed, watching the sunlight break over the dark night sky. Took my time brushing my teeth, every corner and crevice of said oral cavity, examined newly emergent pimples and wrinkles in great detail, even kissed the spouse good morning. Something that one had sadly neglected to do through this entire maidless month given that the second spent doing so through the maidless, cookless month would have been spent more fruitfully in switching the geyser on.

One sipped one’s morning tea with the lazy ease that comes from overconfidence that the breakfast will be made, the clothes will be washed, the dusting done, and the meal for the day cooked. All would be right with the world and the Manrals once the door bell rang. But it didnt. And didnt. And when it did, all the denizens rushed to find everyone (read milkman, newspaper man, garbage) who needed to arrive, in order to keep the house in working order had arrived, except the duo most awaited for. Maybe we would have just hired a brass band and rolled out a red carpet, and strewn some flowers on it. Dammit. We would have strewn ourselves on it had they done us the courtesy of showing up as promised.

And so, I know the kitchen beckons me this evening, and that is so not a happy prospect. I dread cooking like I dread a rootcanal because I have to wipe off my lipstick. I am not a good cook. Cancel that. I am a horrible cook. I sweat buckets in the kitchen. I grumble and get irritable and fling things around. I cut my fingers. I burn parts of my body. I snap at the child. I double salt everything because for the life of me I cannot remember whether I have salted the damn edible item. Which of course makes it inedible. Which results in me ordering takeaway, and the spouse looking ruefully at the small change left in his wallet. Anyway, you get the drift.

The moral of the post: Dont count on your maids before they land up. And do stock up on ready to cook meals. Also helps if you acquire a taste for cup-o-noodles and smileys. Which, as you might be interested to know, is what is on the menu tonight chez Manral.


About Kiran Manral

Kiran Manral published her first book, The Reluctant Detective in 2011. Since then, she has published eight books across genres till date. Her books include romance and chicklit with Once Upon A Crush (2014), All Aboard (2015), Saving Maya (2017); horror with The Face at the Window (2016) and nonfiction with Karmic Kids (2015), A Boy’s Guide to Growing Up (2016) and True Love Stories (2017). Her short stories have been published on Juggernaut, in magazines like Verve and Cosmopolitan, and have been part of anthologies like Chicken Soup for the Soul, Have a Safe Journey (2017) and Boo (2017). Her articles and columns have appeared in the Times of India, Tehelka, DNA, Yowoto, Shethepeople, New Woman, Femina, Verve, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Conde Nast Traveller, DB Post, The Telegraph, the Asian Age, iDiva, TheDailyO and more. She was shortlisted for the Femina Women Awards 2017 for Literary Contribution. She is a TEDx speaker and a mentor with Vital Voices Global Mentoring Walk 2017.
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14 Responses to And so the maids didn’t turn up….

  1. – the saviour of the working maidless femme. manna from heaven.


  2. Meira says:

    Oh these maids! Your’s won’t turn up and mine will be turned out! Yes, the paragon maid whom I treasured more than my diamonds has gone missing, ever since the visiting mother in law screamed at her! The Assistant Chef position still vacant?


  3. Arshi says:

    I can’t believe it is so hard to find a cook in Bombay. How about eat light and healthy stuff from places like Swati? (my bombay knowledge is very limited, so pardon me)


    • Kiran Manral says:

      Arshi: Six adults. One child. Ordering in every meal for a month. Not practical. Swati is in town I am in the burbs. Cooks available. Good cooks are a rare species. Good cooks who can deal with the infinite demands of the various members of the Manral family, to be worshipped. Thankfully, the cook and maid have returned.


  4. faeriee says:

    my sympathies. i so know how it feels. been there, done that.


  5. faeriee says:

    sometimes i wonder if all this happens because our home lives are too complicated – i mean, wouldnt it be just great if we could all live on sandwiches and cold cuts and salads, instead of going insane with atta, chapatis, dals and subzi which take eons to cook and require thousands of ingredients ?!!


    • Kiran Manral says:

      Faeriee: well my home life is definitely too complicated. Too many members, too many varying demands food wise..etc, etc…


  6. Serendipity says:

    hahahahaha 😀
    Not laughing at your plight, Kiran…but the way you’ve put it…

    //I am in the kind of situation where your train gets stuck between stations and you’re wedged between smelly armpits and bony elbows. … hahahaha :D…and ewwww 🙂

    //I dread cooking like I dread a rootcanal because I have to wipe off my lipstick…. 🙂

    And the usage of “one” in your posts, I have noticed, is so much like Wodehouse’s typical form of narration…

    Hilarious post….hope your bai shows up…


  7. Bhavna says:

    Please please tell me that they have turned up. My heart bleeds


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