According to a Reuters news report, a poll conducted by UK retailer Debenhams, men only buy their underwear if they are still trying to entice new partners into a relationship. Most men leave underwear buying to their mothers until their are 19 and then buy for themselves until they get into a stable relationship, and then on expect the women in their lives to buy their underwear. The report says if your man leaves his underwear buying to you, it is a clear signal that you are the one.
I agree. But I did not get into underwear buying territory until post marriage. I think I was already The One for a few years before I got married. But those were the days of my youth, and more innocent times, and if it was even suggested I go underwear shopping for the man, I was quite capable of getting an attack of the vapours. I am ashamed to say I was quite the typical vapid innocent. Time has sure changed a lot of things. Including vapidity.
I was also informed by the mother in law once I was married, that along with the metaphoric ‘tijori ki chavi’ I was also handed over the honorable task of underwear buying for the man, because, quote, “left to him, he will never buy himself a pair and wear torn and tattered undies, that are an embarassment to hang out on the clothesline.”
What does this say about men?
Off the bat, they’re lazy. They will spend hours investigating various mobile phone models and comparing features but not spend a couple of minutes in the underwear section of the same departmental store to pick up a pack of four.
Secondly, they couldnt care less if the pairs they have in their drawers are peppered with cheeseholes, with the elastic falling off, or are some indeterminate hue after years of being washed with the colours.
And yes, I think, we wives can safely add socks and handkerchiefs to underwear in the list of things to be bought for the male which indicate you are the one. Ever wonder at the mystery of the disappearing socks and handkerchiefs? It is a mystery that requires the services of Fox and Mulder for sure. One day the drawer will be overflowing with socks and handkerchiefs and underwear and the next morning, the man will be standing in front of same said open drawer and hopping on both feet because he cannot find a single matching pair of socks, and all the handkerchiefs are not ones that can be taken out in a public situation, all my handkerchiefs having invaded his space, and his handkerchiefs having fled in horror to the land where they cannot be compelled by embroidered female kerchiefs to mate and produce embroidered offspring. It is a male thing. The same thing happens to the child’s socks and handkerchiefs. One morning the drawer is overflowing with enough socks to create a mini football league. The next, I’m scrounging around in the deep dark recesses of the cupboard to find any which might have fallen out of said drawer and reached unreachable places to ensure they can never be found without the entire contents of the wardrobe being dumped on the bed, with five minutes to eight on the clock, eight am being the run out as you are time needed if said spawn of womb is to make it into the school gates before the bell.
The next time I do my duty shopping to validate my status as ‘The One’ I am so buying yellow and black argyle socks and cherry printed undies.
Edited to add: Let me sign off with this very very valid quote from the feature.
“This is the one issue that feminism has never addressed,” Faucherand (Debenhams Head of Men’s Accessories Buying, Rob Faucherand) said. “It’s not who wears the pants in each household – it’s who has to buy them that counts.”