Of LPG cylinders getting more expensive…

There should be some serious limit be set about how expensive things are going to get. I mean, I go vegetable shopping these days to the local sabji mandi and come back looking like a train wreck, and counting out the small change in my pocket to decide whether I have enough money to make buy a hardboiled sweet if I feel faint with the shock of spending all my money on vegetables which will barely last half a week. Or even less given that my family is not a great fan of them veggies. I’ve given up asking the veggie vendors what the price of a particular vegetable is by the kilo. Should they do that I might just faint and fall with a thud on the rotting vegetable encrusted floor of the municipal veggie market and perhaps rise a la Uma Thurman as the new improved Poison Ivy, and become the plague of all the vegetable vendors intent on fleecing us honest consumers of our honest earnings. Well forget half kilo rates, some veggies have them vendors telling us the quarter kilo rates, because buying an entire kilo would mean we need to prise out our fillings from our teeth, sell them in the silver shop next door to said municipal market and then wander in woozy with the prising out, and get conned into buying even more of the stuff that none of us puts on our plates and ultimately is given to the maids, speaking of whom, one notices that the stick insects who had joined work a couple of years ago are now pleasantly rotund matrons in our employ. I now stand hawklike when the cook gets into action, swiftly halving all the raw ingredients she removes to create a meal, and then insisting that eating a restricted diet is good for longevity. As has been proven on mice. Some telomeres get shortened or lengthened or something resulting in them living very long. Mice dont have to shop for vegetables. They might just have their lives cut short by the stress of paying what was once the cost of a nice meal out for two in one shot at the vegetable market.

Inflation is catching up with restaurants too. Noticed the portion sizes recently, anyone. I carry a magnifying glass with me to figure out whether I’ve actually been served. And then all those restaurants which have shut down their all you can eat buffets. Do they even realise how much such harsh decisions affect sensitive souls like me, who lived on all you can eat buffets? Do they realise what a trial it is to order a la carte and have the rest of the good folk at the table sniggering behind their menus at such rabid display of gluttony. All you can eat buffets are lifesavers, you make a couple of trips to the buffet by which time folk stop keeping count of how many times you make additional trips and you can eat happily till you snore in your plate.

And now they tell us LPG cylinders will be up by Rs 100. I think this is the ideal opportunity to switch my diet mode to raw veggies and fruits. Given the cost of raw veggies and fruits, I think the ideal diet would best be channa and sing. You know, roasted on coal sigris. healthy nutritious and filling. And cheap. Or maybe we can learn new and interesting things to add to water so we can fill our stomachs with water. I do remember reading about a gentleman from Kerala who had survived on water and sunlight. He was studied by NASA and had the phenomenon named after him. And there were two nuns who were documented as not having eaten any solids for decades and were supposedly in ship shape.

Or like another gentleman who claimed to have survived on air, liquid and fruits. 

I think this is a good option. This would be a strike back at them cruel vegetable vendors who laugh evilly when your heart pops out of your mouth when they tell you the quarter kilo rate for tomatoes. If everyone adopts a fruitarian, or a liquid diet, we could soon have the vegetable vending mafia on their knees, throwing in a free pumpkin for every few veggies we buy. We could even start dictating terms to them, rathering than wilting before them like hapless victims.

I’m so going to try out this today itself. Right after lunch.

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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10 Responses to Of LPG cylinders getting more expensive…

  1. Sue says:

    I read that in the papers this morning with a sinking heart.

    I can afford an extra Rs. 100 every so many months I know, but it means higher prices at restaurants and everywhere else. Where will it all end? My salary is not going up!

    Like

  2. Sonia says:

    Oh wow, sorry to hear that!

    Like

  3. Anamika says:

    hey
    just saw that u changed 36 to 39 …

    y did u do that …

    36 is what v know ..
    as they always 16 .. u r alasy 36 for us 🙂

    Like

    • Kiran Manral says:

      Anamika: How sweet. But the years are catching up on me, and I’d rather not give the wrong impression, this blog was begun when I was thirtysixandcounting…

      Like

  4. Anamika says:

    i meant as they say always 16.. u r always 36 for us ..

    Like

  5. Renu says:

    It is always a new shock whenevr I go for vegetable shopping..price are unbelievable:(

    Like

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