The last time I got garlanded, I had to spend the next few hours in front of a blazing fire which chucked in dustmotes by the handful into my contact lensed eyes. When I rose, I was red eyed and sobbing, and then officially declared married. Naturally, I am terribly wary of being garlanded ever again. Thankfully no one has ever dared to repeat the act. I am doomed to going to my grave without ever being garlanded ever again.
Right now I feel very very angry and very shortchanged. I want to be garlanded. I even promise to chop my hair into an indeterminate length and style, wear salwar kameezes that do what theyre meant to, make me a behenji and carry a short handled purse. I might even pose for some statues on the way. But I want a garland. A nice crisp garland, with the incredibly seductive aroma of crisp 1000 rupee notes emanating from it. I will even pose for photographs in said garland looking incredibly pleased with myself, grinning from ear to ear, and not in the least bit embarassed by what jealous onlookers term, ostentatious display of brown nosing.
What a dismal life I’ve led!! No statues of me at every road corner improving the beauty of the metropolis. No garlands of thousand rupee notes that dwarf me. No reams of column space dedicated to me. My birthday comes and goes and no one even bothers getting me a birthday cake, leave alone having an entire city lit up like a Christmas tree. Let me sit in my Poor Me corner.
Let me find that spoonful of water and jump right in, holding my nose of course. Anyone smell the water in the natural sources around this city? Or maybe it would be easier to just drink the water, straight from the source. A glassful should be strong enough to fell a buffalo with one swig I guess.
Seriously though, are the IT officials snoring on this one?
Isnt this an insult to the currency of the nation and the image of the man on these notes. Can we the people demand that this garland be unstrung and the Rs 5 crores cash be used to ensure children in villages without education get their primary schools. Or villages without hospitals or health care facilities get basic primary health care centres. Can we raise such an incredible stink that the garland becomes the symbol of this lady’s downfall? We’ve had quite enough of her megalomania.