To garland, to garland

Read this:

The last time I got garlanded, I had to spend the next few hours in front of a blazing fire which chucked in dustmotes by the handful into my contact lensed eyes. When I rose, I was red eyed and sobbing, and then officially declared married. Naturally, I am terribly wary of being garlanded ever again. Thankfully no one has ever dared to repeat the act. I am doomed to going to my grave without ever being garlanded ever again.

Right now I feel very very angry and very shortchanged. I want to be garlanded. I even promise to chop my hair into an indeterminate length and style, wear salwar kameezes that do what theyre meant to, make me a behenji and carry a short handled purse. I might even pose for some statues on the way. But I want a garland. A nice crisp garland, with the incredibly seductive aroma of crisp 1000 rupee notes emanating from it. I will even pose for photographs in said garland looking incredibly pleased with myself, grinning from ear to ear, and not in the least bit embarassed by what jealous onlookers term, ostentatious display of brown nosing.

What a dismal life I’ve led!! No statues of me at every road corner improving the beauty of the metropolis. No garlands of thousand rupee notes that dwarf me. No reams of column space dedicated to me.  My birthday comes and goes and no one even bothers getting me a birthday cake, leave alone having an entire city lit up like a Christmas tree. Let me sit in my Poor Me corner.

Let me find that spoonful of water and jump right in, holding my nose of course. Anyone smell the water in the natural sources around this city? Or maybe it would be easier to just drink the water, straight from the source. A glassful should be strong enough to fell a buffalo with one swig I guess.

Seriously though, are the IT officials snoring on this one?

Isnt this an insult to the currency of the nation and the image of the man on these notes. Can we the people demand that this garland be unstrung and the Rs 5 crores cash be used to ensure children in villages without education get their primary schools. Or villages without hospitals or health care facilities get basic primary health care centres. Can we raise such an incredible stink that the garland becomes the symbol of this lady’s downfall? We’ve had quite enough of her megalomania.


About Kiran Manral

Kiran Manral published her first book, The Reluctant Detective in 2011. Since then, she has published eight books across genres till date. Her books include romance and chicklit with Once Upon A Crush (2014), All Aboard (2015), Saving Maya (2017); horror with The Face at the Window (2016) and nonfiction with Karmic Kids (2015), A Boy’s Guide to Growing Up (2016) and True Love Stories (2017). Her short stories have been published on Juggernaut, in magazines like Verve and Cosmopolitan, and have been part of anthologies like Chicken Soup for the Soul, Have a Safe Journey (2017) and Boo (2017). Her articles and columns have appeared in the Times of India, Tehelka, DNA, Yowoto, Shethepeople, New Woman, Femina, Verve, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Conde Nast Traveller, DB Post, The Telegraph, the Asian Age, iDiva, TheDailyO and more. She was shortlisted for the Femina Women Awards 2017 for Literary Contribution. She is a TEDx speaker and a mentor with Vital Voices Global Mentoring Walk 2017.
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10 Responses to To garland, to garland

  1. aneela z says:

    in my part of the world the garland has this HUGE wall clock and I mean SERIOUSLY huge…and these are mostly wedding garlands for the groom and I always wondered whether there was some symbolism in it.

    Make merry, time is ticking away, perhaps???


  2. deepti says:

    u just echoed my thoughts, and the shameless CM has the guts to say that state doesnt have mny for those dead in the stampede in Pratapgarh a few days back, centre should take care of them.
    I just hope the womens reservation bill does not supply such females to the parliament….

    It definitely will. She’s going to be firmly entrenched in national politics no matter what we think of her and her megalomania. Thats the shame.


  3. Sri says:

    She coolly says the money has been voluntarily donated by party workers!

    Last year,there was a case where an innocent engineer was murdered for refusing to contribute to her birthday celebration..

    Yup. And this year 200 crores…..what is our nation coming to?


  4. when you talked about being garlanded and fires…i was imagining holiday in hawai..but sigh 😛

    yes the IT is sleeping and nothing will happen while her statues adorn every street and corner of India soon


  5. FANTASTIC post! u must send it to somenewspaper…hmmm maybe this could make u very popular and attract a few millions of garland (crores are for the extremely special ones)!


    • Kiran Manral says:

      Nuttie: You think so? Right now if I could con one publisher to commission me a book I would be glad. Never mind the crores.


  6. Neetu says:

    I am one of these indians in US who live here but their heart is in India. I have these big arguments with my husband about moving back, but then I see such things and feel that its worthless. Its disappointing, why cant we do something of these people. Dysfunctional democracy is what we have become.


  7. Kiran Manral says:

    Neetu: True. But there is hope. There is an educated aware and discerning middle class, there is free press, there is hope that the politicians dont get away with their oligarchy for too long…


  8. Kalibilli says:

    Salwar kameezes are not supposed to make you look like a behenji, I think.

    I do. Majorly behenji.


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