As anyone who knows me in the remotest way knows, I will only be seen in public without my reliable slash of lipstick in two cases, the first if I have been forced to leave home in the event of a raging fire, or the second, if I am dead. Change the second one, I might still ask the mortuary attendants to daub on some Fawn Fatale on them lips before they put me up for display. No point looking more ghoulish than I already do look. As I’ve mentioned many times before, the natural colour of them lips is a dirty pale colourless non colour that would have a Goth modelling herself on a corpse ecstatic but only provokes concerned queries on my health from anyone who sees me divested of lipstick. Hell, I’ve been known to slick some lipstick on even before being catherised and wheeled into operating theatres. And ensuring it coordinated with the nail polish.
So when news reports tell me that the percentage on lead in the lipstick I use is beyond permissible limits and can make me sick and dead, I sigh deeply. And sadly. And what is worse, the cheaper brands (which one always avoids like the plague because one assumes that the cheaper ones will have ingredients which are untested on anything human or animal and are guaranteed to scorch your skin off, causing an allergic reaction that will then need me to take my discoloured skin to a dermatologist, are better than them fancy ones that I need to pluck my teeth out in order to sell if I want to buy them, my faith in humanity and mankind is shaken to the core.
What does a girl do now if she wants to have her lips look alluring and seductive and appealing, and have the man in her life hang onto every word that comes out of her mouth? Natural lip colours? Natural brands? or do we go back to the ancients and study their methods of colouring lips, recreating them in our kitchens and slathering them on?
Or should one bring the Ghost that Walks look into vogue? Nah, I’m sticking to my lippers. At last count I had two big boxes full of lipsticks, given that I pick up one new lipstick whenever the mood is in a deep dark funk. I have the blood reds, the chocolates, the berries, the mochas, the caramels, the lattes and the entire directory of food inspired names given to make us hapless women hope that one slathering of said colour would make us look dropped straight down from heaven, albeit sans the hoorpari costume. As for lead poisoning, you think I have a case to slap the makers of said lipsticks with a multimillion dollar suit? Given I’ve been using them lipsticks since I was 16, and am still alive and kicking and with no symptoms yet, except of course, mild dementia?