All around me, folks are walking around with hoarse whispers and racking coughs, racking enough to throw their shoulders out of shape and permanently dislocate the little something that joins the skull to the tip of the spinal vertebrae. Whatever it may be called, it is definitely delicate, and easily dislogdeable with a single sneeze the equivalent of a major Gesundheit. Which is why you might see a lot of folks walking around looking like permanent Jack in the Boxes, with heads wobbly atop their necks. They’ve sneezed their skull off balance. What they are doing though, to regain the balance is swallowing a hell of a lot of cold and flu medication which is designed to act on the cold and flu they are suffering from and make it go away in a couple of weeks, which is what it would go away in if they hadnt taken the cold and flu medication, but lets keep that hush hush because all the fancy medicines do is probably make them feel better and microscopically more positive about beating this flu virus at its game, and stop it from making major inroads into their lung system and going into double million digit statistics and cause what is known as pneumonia and such like, and then lead to hospitalisation, with needles poked into their veins giving them what they should have been drinking in the first place. Fluids. Lots of fluid. To flush out them cough and cold viruses from the deep recesses of the lungs and the thorax where theyre hiding.
Why are so many people falling prey to colds and coughs when the ambient temperature on the sidewalk is perfectly suitable to frying eggs on it, hold the oil? The answer lies in what the good doctor told me about how we move out from airconditioned premises to the fry your skull heat out on the streets and back again. This apparently confuses the brain so it gets on overdrive and forgets to send out signals to the blood cells to make enough antibodies to fight them viruses lurking around on every possible thing you could touch in a public place. Including a visiting celebrity. Therefore, donot shake hands with a visiting celebrity. He or she probably has more viruses lurking on that hand enough to wage biological warfare on the heathen unwashed.
Then there is the other important fact of us drinking down things that are designed to make the throat go bad. Aka chilled beer. And for me, ice cream that goes straight to the hips, and with its iceparticles sticking to the throat and making it a pulpy raw redness. Which also makes your voice hoarse and raspy so when you answer your phone when the mater calls, she gets a strange male voice answer gruffly and immediately hyperventilates and calls the cops to investigate if her beloved daughter is being held to ransom by random junkies.
And there is airconditioning, which is a nucleur fission multiplier kind of thingie for these viruses floating around, making them breed faster than rabbits, metaphorically speaking because viruses dont breed. They do replicate themselves in chaste manner which I need to get back to biology class to figure out how.
The moral of the story:
If its summer, switch off the airconditioner. Dont drink or eat any chilled stuff, including ice straight from the icetrays. Drink enough fluids, but ensure they are not chilled, therefore warm beer is the recommended solution. And do not shake hands with folks.
And if all this fails and you still get struck by an attack of the summer flu, get yourself to a medical store and buy a cold n flu medication that promises to get rid of your cold and flu in the same time it would take if it had decided itself to leave you alone and move on to its next victim. Simplest way to pass it on, shake hands with everyone you meet if you are sniffly. Spread the joy. And dont even think of using a tissue when you sneeze. You need to think of the entire medication industry we support as consumers.
Seriously though, you need to also support the hand sanitiser industry, therefore dont wash your hands. Just use some handsanitiser before every handshake. Unless of course, you plan on being the AxeMurderer bearing hordes of the parainfluenza virus and setting them loose on an unsuspecting world. Think of the tissue sales.