Jottings from the Vegetable Market

Yes, yes, yes, it has been a while since I did a post on my Jottings From..series, hasnt it, but since I dont see any publishers rushing to my door, hammering it down for me to deliver yet another, I feel no pressure to write. And giving in to my natural tendency to do tomorrow what must be done today ensures that whatever must be written in order to bring in my bread and jam gets done at the very moment before I know the commissioning editor will call to breathe fire and brimstone down my neck, and consequently burn up the small hair at the nape of my neck that are probably the only ones left that refuse to grey. Why is it that the excess hair that sprouts on one’s face is stubbornly jet black while all the hair on the scalp is rapidly turning grey to the levels that Anna Wintour once sported.

I digress. As usual. So now I get back to the topic at hand. Which is the vegetable market. And my jottings from thence.

Donot grab the basket the vendor throws at me to have me pile in my selection. I might just be tempted to crown you with it and its contents. Also, elbowing me around to get at the stall where you want to stand might not work. I can elbow back too.

Why are you looking strangely at the contents of my basket? It’s only vegetables in there, not contraband.

Why is the freshest looking produce always available at the shadiest looking vendor’s stall?

Is it true that this fresh green delicious looking palak could be spawned by drainage water by the side of the railway tracks? Do I dare, do I dare?

Lesson learnt, check reveal factor when bending before deciding what to wear when going to the vegetable market. You don’t want to make the vegetable seller’s day.

Make up your mind woman, asking the man for the price of the same vegetable five times over isnt a power game to get him to bring the prices down for shame.

Is that what it costs, or do I need to clean out my earwax? Maybe we should stick to animal flesh for every meal. It works out cheaper.

Eww eww ewww was that random sludge I stepped on, or is that a dead animal carcass encrusted in rotting vegetable sludge?

Is that Brinjal so glossy and purple naturally, or shall I be burning off wax when I roast it for the bharta?

Yes, because I step out from a car doesnt naturally mean I have no clue about what the prices are, dont stick a 100 per cent mark up on every veggie when you quote me the price, please!

No, I donot want snake gourd, arbi, beetroot and them leafy vegetables. Not if theyre going cheap. Err, why are you so eager to dispose of them.

Damn. Maybe we should just live on love and fresh air, given the price of vegetables.