And it socks you a good right hook right when you’re not looking. Or rather when you catch an accidental glimpse of your silhouette and count your dates on your fingers and know, that no, this isnt an early pregnancy, nor premenstrual bloat which has me turning in despair to the kurtis tucked away in a dark corner of the wardrobe. That is a true blue, dyed in the wool pot belly. Of the original variety. The kind one could balance a glass on while one ate some more.
How did this horrible situation arise? The fault is completely and unequivocally mine. The laziness arose during the monsoon when one was locked indoors thanks to the pouring rain and had nothing to entertain oneself but eating fattening comfort foods and watching endless reruns of mindless comedies. All the diligent evening walks went for a right toss. The child stayed in and played with his action figures. I lifted a finger perhaps to change a channel. That was the extent of my physical exertion.
And then the monsoon decided it was here for a long long while. The body gets complacent in its laziness and its gluttony. I felt my hips spread to occupy two cushions of the sofa and picked up yet another cheese spread sandwich. In short, I let go. And yes. Now I have enough weight on me to make a a slimming clinic get their monthly sales target achieved with single client.
And then I forgot Diwali. And gorging of sweets I had no business even letting miles within my perimeter. Gorging in overt and covert ways. Finding excuses to wander into the kitchen to pop into one’s mouth like they were going to grow legs and run away. Hearing little voices calling me from the refrigerator in seductive tones, “Come, eat me now.” Arrgh. You dirty mind. The sweet boxes are what I refer to.
Stood on the scales the other day and collapsed with a thud onto the floor. Let me just say, I weighed almost as much when I checked in before being wheeled off to the operation theatre to be delivered. Ergo, exercise damage control starts immediately. Portion control. Exercise. Even a walk for half an hour everyday. Lots of water. Since we donot have a decent ladies cloakroom in the immediate vicinity of the office, I am going to be spending much of my day crossing and uncrossing my legs uncomfortably. Any other quick tips for quick weight loss? No yoga, no gymming. I can walk for hours everyday if required, but donot have the wherewithal to do either yoga or the discipline to haul myself into a gym every single day or even thrice a week. Am seriously contemplating cutting out the rice, but know that it will make me start pulling my hair out by the handfuls and maybe eating them in despair.
Tips please, all ye weight loss experts out there. Save the world from yet another eyesore.