And so Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 has been released

…and in true fan girl style I couldn’t wait till I got myself to a theatre and did the illegal thing and saw it on the net. (This is where I should drown myself in remorse or fling myself off a tall building or such like, but I will do no such thing).
So it came to pass that I was huddled over a computer, with the speakers at full volume, the cabin lights off in the office in a pathetic bid to replicate the movie theatre experience, watching Breaking Dawn Online.
So, my review. There’s a wedding. A honeymoon. And a monster pregnancy. And yes, a lot of Kristen Stewart’s silly half smiles, and uncertain gawky acting that makes you want to smack her face and ask her to get a grip on herself, and Pattinson even chalkier than I remembered him with lipcolour I want to know the shade of right now, and Taylor Lautner, ah well, let me mop the drool from my keyboard first before proceeding on the tale. And yes, there is some sort of erotica first night (they finally did it, though we had much hectic debate on how this was technically impossible given vampires don’t have blood and blood rush to appropriate body part is needed for successful, erm, marital relations) post which Kristen goes cadaverous with a monster pregnancy which has wolves guarding her and ending with her being turned into a vampire post the birth of the baby. Ah. But then there wont be any spoilers in this, would there, with this being a movie made from a book.
Sadly, the movie, like all the movies of the Twilight series, have not one percent of the addictiveness that the books have. And Cullen the centenarian vampire finally lost his virginity in this one.
Watch this one if you’re a Twilight fan. Only if you are a Twilight fan. And I will say, unlike The Lord Of The Rings series or The Godfather series or The Chronicles or Narnia, this was one movie adaptation of a book series that purely makes it to much watch because of the book. Dull insipid acting from everyone, except Lautner, Bella is most animated when she’s shaving her legs on her wedding night, Pattinson is so tortured and lifeless you wonder if he’s actually stone.
As for me. I leave you with all the Twilight morphed images I had great fun making and folks were calling out the men with sedative syringes in white coats to lead me off to a padded cell for. Haffun.