So. Do I want to be 18 again?

So, now, after we’re done with making our vajajays whitey, we need to make them tightey. Especially if we’re ‘Housewives with children” according to the manufacturers of this revolutionary new product called ’18 Again: Vaginal Tightening and Rejuvenating Cream”. For those of you who have been living under a rock over the past week, Ultratech India has launched a new gel, endorsed by non other than Celina Jaitley who is making a career out of being a new mom, what with endorsing a hair fall treatment course and this new vaginal tightening cream, which claims to make the vagina back to teenage levels of elasticity.
I have a few issues with this product. Of the commercial, I’m not even getting into that arena, that would require another post by itself.
Thinking dispassionately, men have been applying enough and more on their, err, family jewels for yonks in order to be longer, sharper, stronger, err, whatever. If the makers of this gel had positioned this gel as an experience enhancer for women, perhaps I would have not been quite as outraged. Perhaps, if they told us women, housewives with children, housewives without children, working women with or without children, that regular use of this product would make sex more pleasurable for us, we might have gone out and bought the product by the cartons. But no, they had to go and tie it with a misplaced notion of virginity. And of youthfulness. And of making it something that the male partner would appreciate and there in lies my entire quibble with the product.
Why would one want to feel like a virgin again? Am sure there were no women on the brand team, or the primary insight would have been that losing one’s virginity is not the fireworks exploding in synchronicity myth that men seem to have. Raise hands all ye women who don’t have much too fond memories of losing their virginity. Yes, as I thought, we have a full house on that.
And then there is the issue of the assumption that 18 is a virginal age. After I stop hyuck hyucking about this, and pick myself from the floor, I might gently recommend the manufacturers go get a survey done on the average age of virginity lost in the modern age.
Nah, I do not want to be 18 again. It was a very uncomfortable age. I was awkward, uncomfortable and gawkish. 41 is good to be at.
And for all those rushing out in droves to buy 18 Again, ever heard of Kegels? Google it. Try it.

Here’s what the media had to say about the product and the commercial:
Huffington Post

Stylist

FirstPost

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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2 Responses to So. Do I want to be 18 again?

  1. Well, this is funny reading, as are the other articles on ‘tightey -whitey’ women’s thingies. Some of us see the innate humour (pun unintended) in the whole issue, I guess! But there may be some hidden danger that becomes quite obvious when you read some of the comments on some of the blogs – there are ACTUALLY many women out there who believe in all this.. who are suckers for this sort of thing.. who believe women’s empowerment is spelt ‘T-I-G-H-T W-H-I-T-E V-A-G-I-N-A’… honestly! And what if with all the media tom-tomming the breed of ‘Yeah-sayers’ multiplies, like the number of people who now believe only ‘fair’ is ‘lovely’?

    No sirreee… that will be singularly unfunny…

    Like

  2. Ajay Pandey says:

    Hi Kiran,

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    Best regards
    Ajay

    Like

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