Happy birthday Daddy

It is your birthday today, Daddy. You would have been 75 years old if you had still been around. As it happened, you saw only 42 of your birthdays, and then we played out our lives without you in them, I am 42 today, Daddy. I was a child when you died. It feels strange, being at the exact age you were, when they brought your body in, discoloured and bruised, the indignity of death robbing you of the vitality that was your trademark.

If your presence filled a room while you were alive, it was your absence that filled it now, now that you were gone. How does one cope with the grief of losing a parent in one’s childhood? One doesn’t. It is always a phantom limb, the pain unbearable, the dreams that the doorbell rings and you stand there, at the door, older, greyer, bent and with your arms opened in a wide hug into which I would run and be safe forever. You never rang that doorbell, daddy. I never stopped waiting for you to do so.

I grew up. I fell in love. I got married. I had a child. My life went on. You loomed behind my shoulder, watching me, at times proud, at times disapproving. It has been an honest life, it has been a tough one. At times I wonder if the struggle would have been different had you been around to buffer me from it. Would I have been the same person, or would I have been someone completely different, someone I wouldn’t be able to have a conversation with if placed in the same room.

Happy birthday Daddy, wherever you are. You have always been missed. You will always be missed.

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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12 Responses to Happy birthday Daddy

  1. Khan Mukhtar says:

    Le the soul stay blessed and give you courage to bear it

    Like

  2. BlogwatiG says:

    Because I share a similar void, and because I know how much courage this would have taken, hugs and more hugs. We can only imagine, we can never put a finger to it. Know and believe, you live the legacy…………..always. Much love,light and hugs……some more.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sri says:

    Really heartwarming post, Kiran…hugs to you and your Mom…the void of a parent is very difficult to cope with..i am sure your Dad is proud of you!:)

    Like

  4. Priyanka Shetty says:

    Hugs to you

    Like

  5. You have this power with words that do such justice to feelings, you know. It is always a pleasure reading your posts.
    I lost my mother a few months ago and i feel the same too, Kiran.
    Your post got tears to my eyes.

    Be brave and you will only be stronger.

    Love.

    Like

  6. Sue says:

    Again, hugs. I would be very lost without my father to fight with.

    Like

  7. Aathira says:

    <> I can not imagine the life you have described. Your mother and you are very strong women. God Bless

    Like

  8. Kiran Manral says:

    Hugs Blogwati,Sri, Sue and Aathira.

    Like

  9. sukanyabora says:

    A heartfelt, honest post. Cannot imagine life without a father. Your admiration for your dad comes through. I am sure he is looking down at you with pride, marveling at your strength, wisdom and the beautiful life you have created for yourself and your family.

    Like

  10. Ol'Dog says:

    Lost my dear Dad exactly 1 year back – he was 95+ but we all miss him now & always.

    Like

  11. JLT says:

    Hugs, K.

    Like

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