What would I do…

If it had been me in Shiney Ahuja’s wife’s place. If it had been my husband who had admitted to what he thought was consensual* intercourse with the maid?

Would I stand by my man?

My heart wrings out for Anupam. God bless her and her baby in these times. Learning that your husband is unfaithful is bad enough, but having it up for public consumption, with rape in your own house is the lowest of the low. It is the kind of ego and self esteem shattering blow that one can never ever recover from.

I dont think I would be as strong as she is, standing by her man, despite his alleged confession to what he thought was consensual sex after some advances he made to the maid were not rebuffed. But then I am I. And she is she.

And she seems to be made of sterner stuff than I am.  My stomach turns. The humiliation of it all would have killed me once again after the pain of the infidelity had done the deed.

 

*Consentual changed to consensual. Thanks Ser. I am definitely losing it in my dotage. Or just not doing enough reading any more.

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About Kiran Manral

Author of The Face At The Window, ( 2016), Karmic Kids, All Aboard (2015) , Once Upon A Crush (2014) and The Reluctant Detective (2011).
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24 Responses to What would I do…

  1. Serendipity says:

    I feel women are born that way. They forgive and suffer in love. Reminds me of that god-awful quote from Shantaram about women protecting a relationship even when they know it is sinking. Something about it being like a lifeboat and you throwing your self-respect, you friends, your everything – just to keep it afloat.

    Horrible news and even horribly twisted coverage… 😦

    PS: Consensual is a standard word. I don\’t think consentual is a word…perhaps.

    Like

  2. Shivani says:

    Gosh, I was wondering about the exact same thing this morning!! How she\’s managed to back him up despite the shame & then gracefully dodged invasive media questions is commendable.
    Almost like Hilary Clinton\’s Kumbh-mele-mein-bichdi-hui behen. I hope she finds peace ultimately & the maid, justice.

    Like

  3. its terrible news kiran, something i have been contemplating all this while…how many women will do something like that? why did shiney do it? he has a loving wife and kids for god sake? why ruin his life, and life of other who are with him?

    Like

  4. in high profile cases, it’s often very hard to say who the victim is and who the villain. rape is a horrible, horrible crime, but at this point, i’d rather not believe the media.

    Like

  5. The Survivor says:

    I admire her courage for standing up for her husband and showing full faith in him, I am wondering what will happen to that trust if the truth holds him guilty.

    In such cases, its hard to make out who is telling the truth and who is lying, only when the proceedings begin will the truth/verdict will come out.

    Like

  6. shilpadesh says:

    I don’t know if I would take it. It is more about standing up for yourself than about being strong I guess. Or am I being judgemental?

    Like

  7. JLT says:

    Its humiliating enough, without having it all dragged into the limelight. Poor Anupam. I wonder if she believes in him still or whether she’s standing by him for the kids? Whatever, God give her strength.

    Like

  8. Sands says:

    Agree with you totally. It takes a totally different personality and strength of character to do that. But most importantly would I want to do it knowing what he has done? My answer is no with what I know of the story today!!

    Like

  9. During a houseparty back when I was a 19 year old, I was felt up by the man of that house. I told my Mom who confronted the man and his wife. The man denied it, the wife stood by him.

    I’m not sure why I’m rambling about it here but it’s scary when women with daughters stand by these men. What if it happened to their daughters?!

    Like

  10. Veena says:

    I am amazed that she is not only willing to stand by him, but that she is is doing it so publically. She could’ve just watched from the shadows or walked out. Wrong or right, she is one strong woman. It could be that she is still in the denial phase.

    Like

  11. surabhi says:

    I agree with purely narcotic!

    Though the reason i refuse to jump in and condemn is because as usual the way the story is being reported is based entirely on speculation!
    the police officers can not/should not have leaked his statements/confessions. The wife is constantly saying the fellow did not “confess” to anything- forced or consensual.
    Ofcourse she stands by her husband, she does not believe the story. Once the truth is out and if he is guilty of consensual sex or rape and if she stands by him- sorry, I would not see her as strong or brave!

    Like

  12. Aathira says:

    I think the only reason she is holding her head high and defending him is because there has been nothing proved as yet. She believes her husband than anyone else..

    once the story is truly understood maybe then she will also know which side to be on.

    Like

  13. Kiran Manral says:

    Ser: Spelling changed. 🙂 Thanks for pointing it out.
    Are we women masochists? Why do we keep putting up with shit? Because we put up, it gets dished out to us. The moment we stop taking it and stand up for ourselves, it stops. Or the relationship ends. It is upto us to decide whether we are more important to ourselves or the relationship is.

    Shivani: That was another terrible incident. How that lady has lived with that man after so many skeletons tumbled out of the closet.

    Aniruddhapathak: We still dont know what happened, rape or consensual sex. Whatever, there is no telling why a man does something like this.

    Magicalsummer: True. They’ve already tried and declared him guilty without any proof.

    The Survivor: In 13 years of marriage I have learnt to trust. But not to trust blindly. Its a shaky trust one has even with the best of men. Maybe its my experiences as a child which have hardened me and made me untrusting, but I donot trust any man to be faithful.

    Shilpadesh: Ditto. Infidelity I might, just might come to terms with. But rape. Never.

    JLT: True. Give her strength. I think I emphathise with her, even though I might not have done what she has.

    Sands: Lets not try the man before the court does. I will give him the benefit of doubt. But I doubt I would be so vocal about my standing up for him until it was proved beyond an iota of doubt that he was in the clear. And even if was consensual sex, I dont think I would be waiting outside the police station and calling press conferences. I would be in some locked room crying my heart out. That I hand to her. She is strong.

    Purely Narcotic: Been there, happened to me. Only worse, happened with a close relative and yes, again, the wife refused to believe and made me out to be the enticer which of course I had no interest in being. Yuck. So I know just where you’re coming from on this. We women have to lift the curtains from our eyes as far as our menfolk are concerned.

    Veena: She is being public and vocal about it. But the man has already been tried by the press and sentenced without the case going to courts. That too is not fair at all. She is trying to present her side of the case to the best of her ability.

    Sur: Ditto. Standing up and supporting a rapist is definitely not being strong, if indeed it was rape. Till then we reserve our judgement and dont leave our maids alone with our men.

    Aathira: Which is why I hope her faith is not misplaced.

    Like

  14. surabhi says:

    But Kiran, anyday I would leave my husband alone with any maid, or even greta garbo in her prime! I have no doubt or fear.
    Thats the point. Shiney’s wife probably trusts him that much. And if proven wrong, hopefully she will not stand by him!
    If my trust and belief is proven wrong, gosh, I’d probably shred him limb by limb.

    Like

  15. Kiran Manral says:

    Sur love: I trust him but do I trust the maid??? Or do I know if my trust is misplaced. I know where Shiney’s wife is coming from, she cannot comprehend that her husband could ever do something like this. But I’ve seen instances happen where the most seemingly happily married couple had the man of the house have a scene with the maid, and I’m so shaky about this. Its happened with a close friend, who is everything any man would want in a wife, goodlooking, intelligent, professionally qualified, and hopelessly in love with her husband. They are divorced today. Which is why I hope Anupam’s trust is vindicated.

    Like

  16. sscribbles says:

    Kiran, i too was thinking how strong Anupam is. My heart goes out to her and their 2-year-old child. I still don’t know what I would have done in her place coz I too trust my man not to commit rape. We, have our moments of weakness, and anyone can falter. As you said, I too might, maybe, give my man a chance in the case of infidelity but rape is too heinous a crime…. one that is purely driven by animal instincts. Totally unpardonable!

    Like

  17. AstuteThinker says:

    My heart goes out to …ME.

    To be subject to this media cr*p, even while I run to switch channels.

    What sh*t. How do you know it wasn’t a three-way with the wife,maid and husband? What? You’re shocked? Hello? So that’s not a remote possibility?

    Take a sortof articulate wifey who looks great on TV, club it with a media that has a collective IQ of -5, and what do you get?

    Blogs by “my heart goes out – blindly” weepies.

    Give me a break. Another D grade non-celebrity gets his-her 15 minutes of infame.

    Like

  18. AstuteThinker says:

    Oh and

    See your own quote above 35andcounting, and Purlynarcotics – this is the story of 99% of girls and women I know. Including me. I have been felt up by creepy ‘Uncles’ more than once, staring from the time my breasts started to emerge. It has happened to my friends.

    If you are in any way financially dependent on your husband, you WILL defend his (sick) honour. Even when you profess to ‘tear him to shreds” if he ever cheats etc etc etc.

    I have seen it happen.

    So – to the I Will Protest Too Much Wifey of Shiney – I say – keep protesting on TV honey. Your language sounds fake, your husband’s huge insecurities stand out so obviously in your made-for-TV “I will abide by the law” bullsh*t…

    You make me want to throw up, Wifey of Shiney.you do

    Like

  19. tearsndreams says:

    Kiran,

    Innocent until proven guilty is all good but here by giving him the benefit of doubt you are declaring the maid to be guilty unless proven innocent. And I don’t think that’s right.
    Her medical examination confirmed that there was intercourse. He is agreeing there was sex. Do you agree with that much or is media making all that up. You are in media, you know, there has to be some basis for such news. The sex part did happen.
    Now what could be the motive of the maid to accuse him of forcing himself on her?
    She wanted to get into movies? You think? We have all had maids, and I can believe them making advances on saab but accusing when it was consensual? Why would she do it? Oh so within 24 hrs of having sex, she realized this great successful actor will not cast her as the female lead in the movie so she decided to go public?
    Why are we choosing to be blind? Why is the maid guilty unless proven innocent?
    And the wife- she is just hanging on to whatever is left. Totally in denial. The wife of the Bombay policeman who raped a girl at the station also claimed till the end that the 16 year old girl was fabricating it. She might be doing it for the sake of her child. She might be doing it because she is blind in love.

    Like

  20. surabhi says:

    tearsndreams, you really have a point there.
    why should the maid be guilty until proven innocent?
    very true!

    i guess i was reacting to the incredibly bizarre reporting – neighbours being questioned if he was decent-fellow actors being asked if they are surprised by this incident- some answering, we are shocked but he was moody on the sets very often!!!! yeah sure, that proves he is a potential rapist.

    Like

  21. Then there was someone who said, ‘But he seemed like such a nice guy!’ Mmm..nice guys don’t have sex? Ok!

    Like

  22. Vikas Gupta says:

    People (including his wife) are so relaxed to extra marital and pre-marital affairs these days! Glad to find so many here thinking it’s wrong.

    I love someone (unrequited love though) and I am even saving my virginity for her! 😀

    Like

  23. Nishita says:

    She is probably defending him for the sake of her child. Which child can grow up normally knowing that his/her father is a rapist?

    That said, I totally agree that women need to stick together and not allow the man to get off scot-free. I do believe the maid’s story because it seems to be bolstered by some evidence.

    I am also really glad that the maid had the courage to come out with her story to the police. God alone knows how many rapes get hushed up in this country.

    Like

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